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Listing puns for Kap'n Klystron



1. When the trucker tried to salvage metal from batteries, he was overcome by D-cell fumes and threw up in the zinc. 2.2 stars
2. When orders for acetone, benzene and methanol plummeted, the chemical plant became insolvent. 3.6 stars
3. Is a seventeen-day-old infertile duck egg an absentee balut? 1.8 stars
4. The high cost of living has beaten many centsless. 3.3 stars
5. Veterinarians treat all animals except ducks - that would be quack medicine. 2.7 stars
6. Am I my brother's informant? I fink not! 2.4 stars
7. The hen passed her legacy to an egg that was heir today, gone tamago. 2.0 stars
8. A good meteor shower can really rock your world. 3.7 stars
9. Doctor Otto Focus represented the very squintessence of bad optometry. 2.2 stars
10. Rather than be fired from the borscht factory, I beet them to the punch by telling them to take their job and schav it. 2.9 stars
11. Vikings were expert mariners - you can lead a Norse to water, but you can't make him sink. 3.7 stars
12. Some overreaching fungi lichen themselves to algae. 2.4 stars
13. I have trouble digesting chick peas - whenever I eat hummus, I falafel. 2.5 stars
14. The petroleum industry is exploiting shale to extract fuel or a reasonable fracksimile. 2.3 stars
15. The hamburgers had so little beef that even a microscopic tektite would be a little meteor. 2.2 stars
16. If you pay the ferryman before you get to the other side, don't be surprised if he Styx it to you. 2.7 stars
17. Last year's bonfire permit has ex-pyred. 2.6 stars
18. For years, the fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears - he now eats everything with sorghums. 2.8 stars
19. Where do baby spoons come from? The spork delivers them. 3.4 stars
20. The hunter stir-fried his game because he liked to wok on the wild side. 3.8 stars
21. Cotton farming is a classic struggle of goods versus weevils. 3.6 stars
22. Lack of ram may preclude rack of lamb. 2.7 stars
23. Instead of being rewarded for his invention, Dr. Guillotine was charged with neckless endangerment. 3.6 stars
24. Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose. 4.1 stars
25. Philosophers are slaves to ponderlust. 2.0 stars
26. Trichinosis offers eaters of raw pork two choices: cease and desist, or cyst and decease. 2.7 stars
27. To expectorate is bad grammar, because it is a spit infinitive. 2.0 stars
28. The forensic psychologist was irritable because judges and juries tried his patients. 3.2 stars
29. Due to Earth's strong gravitational field, the cost of attaining escape velocity is exorbitant. 2.5 stars
30. When the homeless burrowing rodent found a nice golf course, he decided to gopher it. 3.0 stars
31. Don't waste kindness on a rotary engine - they never reciprocate. 2.5 stars
32. Library rules regarding personal hygiene are a matter of lore and odor. 1.8 stars
33. When the church bought gas for their annual barbecue, proceeds went from the sacred to the propane. 2.5 stars
34. When two glow-worms met in the dark, it was larva at first sight. 3.0 stars
35. The inept telegrapher was a weapon of Morse destruction. 2.7 stars
36. With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural. 2.6 stars
37. Using fish for currency can achieve an economy of scale. 2.8 stars
38. The use of drones to deliver magazines will certainly raise some issues. 3.7 stars
39. The new robotic cuspidor, despite its speed and efficiency, failed to meet my expectorations. 2.2 stars
40. Pocket bread stuffed with pocket bread makes a pitaful excuse for a sandwich. 2.7 stars
41. During the late baroque era, rococo composers began to think outside the Bachs. 3.7 stars
42. The poor speller tried to express his reluctance to repeat sixth grade, but words failed him. 3.2 stars
43. After a few beers on the plane, Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder. 2.8 stars
44. The Rodent Club finished drafting their constitution, but it has yet to be ratified. 3.8 stars
45. When it comes to nourishment, a boa's best friend is his smother. 3.3 stars
46. Despite pressure to clean up their act, most dirtbags live in a vacuum. 3.7 stars
47. I need Gestalt reasoning like I need a whole in the head. 2.6 stars
48. Sponges are easy prey for divers, lacking poriferal vision. 2.8 stars
49. The lazy musician was told to shake allegro or make himself scherzo. 2.8 stars
50. The President of the Ennui Club was chairman of the bored. 3.5 stars
51. When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker. 3.2 stars
52. With copper unavailable, continued operation of the mint would make no cents. 3.7 stars
53. As the carburettor chuckled to the air filter, 'I guess the choke's on me!' 3.3 stars
54. Neuter your dog - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of curs. 2.9 stars
55. Mammals rarely marry monotremes, echidna ewe knot. 2.2 stars
56. No yelling on weekdays if you eat my dessert, but I scream Sunday. 2.5 stars
57. Luridly sailing by the clock on a sea of mucus is a phlegmbuoyant pastime. 2.2 stars
58. When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com. 3.4 stars
59. I used to enjoy steak and cheese with my eggs, but it's all ova now. 3.2 stars
60. The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her. 3.5 stars
61. Primate grandmothers look stylish in a baboonshka. 2.5 stars
62. Astral projection to church is mass tranceportation. 2.7 stars
63. The seaside Chinese buffet with free wi-fi was named The Baudwok. 2.7 stars
64. The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast. 3.3 stars
65. Superconductive materials should be properly stored in an ohmless shelter. 3.3 stars
66. Capon is the main ingredient of chicken castratori. 2.6 stars
67. Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati. 3.3 stars
68. When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, he needed more proof. 3.2 stars
69. The Vatican's supplier of duck eggs is elected by sacred balut. 2.6 stars
70. The futile search for magnetite became a wild gauss chase. 2.8 stars
71. The inept psychic attempted clairvoyance but just couldn't get intuit. 3.4 stars
72. The winter drive-by shooting was a slay ride. 3.1 stars
73. When the goat ate a Scrabble set, the letters came out in alphabetical ordure. 3.1 stars
74. When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve. 4.0 stars
75. The ancient Romans only gathered once a week, because that was enough forum. 3.8 stars
76. At breakfast, the hacker downloaded cornflakes via his cereal port. 3.1 stars
77. Even on Easter Island, most folks would rather croon an oldie than Rapa Nui. 2.8 stars
78. He, who survives embalming, truly has esprit de corpse. 3.1 stars
79. Hogs are taken to slaughter by the hearsemen of the aporkalypse. 2.8 stars
80. To disparage the wind is disgusting. 3.0 stars
81. The circus strongman had a brief affair with the contortionist, but she broke it off. 2.8 stars
82. Due to censorship, prison messages are often taken out of context. 2.9 stars
83. Qwertyus, god of keyboards, is a character from geek mythology. 3.4 stars
84. Lacking proper instruments, the surgeon had to resect a bowel using plumber's tools - it was a gut-wrenching experience. 3.5 stars
85. In exorcism literature, possession is nine-tenths of the lore. 3.2 stars
86. Though humble in secular matters, the minister had an altar ego. 3.6 stars
87. Music of the seventies spawned many new record labels, mostly now defunked. 2.7 stars
88. The crumpled SUV gave evidence of its owner's finely-hooned driving skills. 1.8 stars
89. The entomologist's wardrobe was really fly, but her friend the physicist always had something tachyon. 2.9 stars
90. Realtors guilty of steering deserve the rack, but that's just my pinion. 2.3 stars
91. Termites in the orchestra pit can lead to digestive harp failure. 3.1 stars
92. Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder. 3.8 stars
93. After carelessly plucking her eyelashes while shopping for a corsage, Rose couldn't see the florist because of the tweeze. 2.9 stars
94. The Keystone Kops were frequently criticized for excessive use of farce. 3.5 stars
95. The surgeon failed to repair his own ruptured pericardium because his heart just wasn't in it. 3.1 stars
96. Navy regulations prohibit underwater promotion to the ministry, doing so would constitute insubordination. 2.8 stars
97. When the diva's vacuum cleaner broke, she refused to use a broom because it just wouldn't be Hoover. 2.8 stars
98. The baby peas were fresh and sweet, but their fava was a has-bean. 2.3 stars
99. When the inept actor tried to steal a farmer's omelet with greens, the ham was collard in short order. 2.4 stars
100. When they claimed to house two thousand campers, it sounded like a lot of bunk. 3.4 stars
101. The chef who tried to bribe a judge with polenta was held in corntempt. 2.2 stars
102. Chardonnay may not be champagne, but it's still wine. 2.2 stars
103. To noble steeds with horse sense and stable thinking, hippocracy is not hypocrisy. 2.6 stars
104. Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed. 3.8 stars
105. He choked on his all-day sucker and would have fallen off the carousel, but the security guard caught him lollygagging around. 2.8 stars
106. Tubal ligation can get knotty, but lobotomy is a no-brainer. 3.3 stars
107. If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize. 3.7 stars
108. If you think guests really enjoy your home movies, you are probably projecting. 3.2 stars
109. The world champion of purposeful kibitzing is a goaled meddlist. 2.9 stars
110. Bell, Bark and Kennel, a novel by Ivan Pavlov, chronicles the birth of the Salivation Army. 3.2 stars
111. I took the strange skeleton to be that of a feral onager, but it was only a wild ass guess. 2.6 stars
112. The inept nerd married a nuclear software engineer who made great fission chips, she was his bride and booter. 2.6 stars
113. He dined with her at the local beanery and was immediately inflatuated. 3.5 stars
114. Ever since the mayor's ban on flammable liquids, fewer arsonists have benzene around town. 3.4 stars
115. After the trout left school, he hoped to be a steelhead in a floundry. 2.7 stars
116. Simultaneous management of elephants and walruses requires the ability to multitusk. 3.5 stars
117. Hilarious signs that stick to refrigerators can disrupt gravity with magnetic lines of farce. 2.3 stars
118. A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia. 3.5 stars
119. The cost of a galvanized hull is enough to zinc a ship. 3.2 stars
120. The chaplain got his gown from the army surplice depot. 2.7 stars
121. A flat-rate poetry tax would be a perverse form of greed. 2.9 stars
122. A poetic hack anapest iamb, but it could be verse. 2.7 stars
123. Being a petrol-deprived thug is a tankless yob. 2.4 stars
124. The Chinese pizzeria murder mystery genre is a novel dough mein. 2.5 stars
125. The predatory prawn shop skinned many an octopus alive and put a lot of suckers on squid roe. 2.6 stars
126. The Lautrec miniature slipped from its frame because it was a little Toulouse. 3.4 stars
127. The bargain store promised a free abacus with every purchase, but I wouldn't count on it. 3.5 stars
128. If ionized fertilizer is delivered after business hours, the nitrate will be charged. 3.5 stars
129. The short-order crook poached his eggs, shaved his chocolate, welched on his rabbits, and even his pastry was stollen. 2.8 stars
130. Underwater ophthalmology lens itself to more aqueous humor and cornea puns. 3.2 stars
131. A stewed chef sat pie-eyed as the crusty judge took his caraway, a punnish mint a long thyme cumin. 3.1 stars
132. Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling. 3.7 stars
133. A crazed insect discovered in the organic garden of a convent was found nun compost mantis. 2.2 stars
134. Petra the Muscovite was gneiss to a fault but stony when taken for granite. 3.1 stars
135. I can't tell you where to buy soy sauce tonight, but I can shoyu tamari. 3.2 stars
136. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? 4.0 stars
137. The overweight fighter pilot was grounded for violating the rules of engorgement. 3.0 stars
138. Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal. 3.2 stars
139. Ancient vessels lacked stability because there were no rudders in the days of yaw. 2.4 stars
140. Everyone got plastered for the Beethoven rehearsal. It was the bottom of the Ninth, chorus tight, basses loaded. 3.1 stars
141. NASA accepted the wildebeest's application, and around our planet a brave gnu whirled. 3.4 stars
142. The divorced couple hurled Angostura and Boston cream pie at each other - it was a bitter, custardy dispute. 2.4 stars