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Listing puns for Kap'n Klystron



1. Rather than be fired from the borscht factory, I beet them to the punch by telling them to take their job and schav it. 3.0 stars
2. Vikings were expert mariners - you can lead a Norse to water, but you can't make him sink. 3.6 stars
3. Some overreaching fungi lichen themselves to algae. 2.5 stars
4. I have trouble digesting chick peas - whenever I eat hummus, I falafel. 2.5 stars
5. The petroleum industry is exploiting shale to extract fuel or a reasonable fracksimile. 2.3 stars
6. The hamburgers had so little beef that even a microscopic tektite would be a little meteor. 2.2 stars
7. If you pay the ferryman before you get to the other side, don't be surprised if he Styx it to you. 2.7 stars
8. Last year's bonfire permit has ex-pyred. 2.6 stars
9. For years, the fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears - he now eats everything with sorghums. 2.8 stars
10. Where do baby spoons come from? The spork delivers them. 3.4 stars
11. The hunter stir-fried his game because he liked to wok on the wild side. 3.8 stars
12. Cotton farming is a classic struggle of goods versus weevils. 3.6 stars
13. Lack of ram may preclude rack of lamb. 2.7 stars
14. Instead of being rewarded for his invention, Dr. Guillotine was charged with neckless endangerment. 3.6 stars
15. Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose. 4.0 stars
16. Philosophers are slaves to ponderlust. 2.1 stars
17. Trichinosis offers eaters of raw pork two choices: cease and desist, or cyst and decease. 2.6 stars
18. To expectorate is bad grammar, because it is a spit infinitive. 1.9 stars
19. The forensic psychologist was irritable because judges and juries tried his patients. 3.2 stars
20. Due to Earth's strong gravitational field, the cost of attaining escape velocity is exorbitant. 2.4 stars
21. When the homeless burrowing rodent found a nice golf course, he decided to gopher it. 3.0 stars
22. Don't waste kindness on a rotary engine - they never reciprocate. 2.5 stars
23. Library rules regarding personal hygiene are a matter of lore and odor. 1.8 stars
24. When the church bought gas for their annual barbecue, proceeds went from the sacred to the propane. 2.5 stars
25. When two glow-worms met in the dark, it was larva at first sight. 3.0 stars
26. The inept telegrapher was a weapon of Morse destruction. 2.7 stars
27. With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural. 2.6 stars
28. Using fish for currency can achieve an economy of scale. 2.8 stars
29. The use of drones to deliver magazines will certainly raise some issues. 3.7 stars
30. The new robotic cuspidor, despite its speed and efficiency, failed to meet my expectorations. 2.2 stars
31. Pocket bread stuffed with pocket bread makes a pitaful excuse for a sandwich. 2.7 stars
32. During the late baroque era, rococo composers began to think outside the Bachs. 3.7 stars
33. The poor speller tried to express his reluctance to repeat sixth grade, but words failed him. 3.2 stars
34. After a few beers on the plane, Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder. 2.8 stars
35. The Rodent Club finished drafting their constitution, but it has yet to be ratified. 3.8 stars
36. When it comes to nourishment, a boa's best friend is his smother. 3.3 stars
37. Despite pressure to clean up their act, most dirtbags live in a vacuum. 3.7 stars
38. I need Gestalt reasoning like I need a whole in the head. 2.6 stars
39. Sponges are easy prey for divers, lacking poriferal vision. 2.8 stars
40. The lazy musician was told to shake allegro or make himself scherzo. 2.8 stars
41. The President of the Ennui Club was chairman of the bored. 3.5 stars
42. When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker. 3.2 stars
43. With copper unavailable, continued operation of the mint would make no cents. 3.7 stars
44. As the carburettor chuckled to the air filter, 'I guess the choke's on me!' 3.3 stars
45. Neuter your dog - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of curs. 2.9 stars
46. Mammals rarely marry monotremes, echidna ewe knot. 2.2 stars
47. No yelling on weekdays if you eat my dessert, but I scream Sunday. 2.5 stars
48. Luridly sailing by the clock on a sea of mucus is a phlegmbuoyant pastime. 2.2 stars
49. When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com. 3.4 stars
50. I used to enjoy steak and cheese with my eggs, but it's all ova now. 3.2 stars
51. The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her. 3.5 stars
52. Primate grandmothers look stylish in a baboonshka. 2.5 stars
53. Astral projection to church is mass tranceportation. 2.7 stars
54. The seaside Chinese buffet with free wi-fi was named The Baudwok. 2.7 stars
55. The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast. 3.3 stars
56. Superconductive materials should be properly stored in an ohmless shelter. 3.3 stars
57. Capon is the main ingredient of chicken castratori. 2.6 stars
58. Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati. 3.3 stars
59. When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, he needed more proof. 3.2 stars
60. The Vatican's supplier of duck eggs is elected by sacred balut. 2.6 stars
61. The futile search for magnetite became a wild gauss chase. 2.8 stars
62. The inept psychic attempted clairvoyance but just couldn't get intuit. 3.4 stars
63. The winter drive-by shooting was a slay ride. 3.1 stars
64. When the goat ate a Scrabble set, the letters came out in alphabetical ordure. 3.1 stars
65. When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve. 4.0 stars
66. The ancient Romans only gathered once a week, because that was enough forum. 3.8 stars
67. At breakfast, the hacker downloaded cornflakes via his cereal port. 3.1 stars
68. Even on Easter Island, most folks would rather croon an oldie than Rapa Nui. 2.8 stars
69. He, who survives embalming, truly has esprit de corpse. 3.1 stars
70. Hogs are taken to slaughter by the hearsemen of the aporkalypse. 2.8 stars
71. To disparage the wind is disgusting. 3.0 stars
72. The circus strongman had a brief affair with the contortionist, but she broke it off. 2.8 stars
73. Due to censorship, prison messages are often taken out of context. 2.9 stars
74. Qwertyus, god of keyboards, is a character from geek mythology. 3.4 stars
75. Lacking proper instruments, the surgeon had to resect a bowel using plumber's tools - it was a gut-wrenching experience. 3.5 stars
76. In exorcism literature, possession is nine-tenths of the lore. 3.2 stars
77. Though humble in secular matters, the minister had an altar ego. 3.6 stars
78. Music of the seventies spawned many new record labels, mostly now defunked. 2.7 stars
79. The crumpled SUV gave evidence of its owner's finely-hooned driving skills. 1.8 stars
80. The entomologist's wardrobe was really fly, but her friend the physicist always had something tachyon. 2.9 stars
81. Realtors guilty of steering deserve the rack, but that's just my pinion. 2.3 stars
82. Termites in the orchestra pit can lead to digestive harp failure. 3.1 stars
83. Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder. 3.8 stars
84. After carelessly plucking her eyelashes while shopping for a corsage, Rose couldn't see the florist because of the tweeze. 2.9 stars
85. The Keystone Kops were frequently criticized for excessive use of farce. 3.5 stars
86. The surgeon failed to repair his own ruptured pericardium because his heart just wasn't in it. 3.1 stars
87. Navy regulations prohibit underwater promotion to the ministry, doing so would constitute insubordination. 2.8 stars
88. When the diva's vacuum cleaner broke, she refused to use a broom because it just wouldn't be Hoover. 2.8 stars
89. The baby peas were fresh and sweet, but their fava was a has-bean. 2.3 stars
90. When the inept actor tried to steal a farmer's omelet with greens, the ham was collard in short order. 2.4 stars
91. When they claimed to house two thousand campers, it sounded like a lot of bunk. 3.4 stars
92. The chef who tried to bribe a judge with polenta was held in corntempt. 2.3 stars
93. Chardonnay may not be champagne, but it's still wine. 2.2 stars
94. To noble steeds with horse sense and stable thinking, hippocracy is not hypocrisy. 2.6 stars
95. Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed. 3.8 stars
96. He choked on his all-day sucker and would have fallen off the carousel, but the security guard caught him lollygagging around. 2.8 stars
97. Tubal ligation can get knotty, but lobotomy is a no-brainer. 3.3 stars
98. If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize. 3.7 stars
99. If you think guests really enjoy your home movies, you are probably projecting. 3.2 stars
100. The world champion of purposeful kibitzing is a goaled meddlist. 2.9 stars
101. Bell, Bark and Kennel, a novel by Ivan Pavlov, chronicles the birth of the Salivation Army. 3.2 stars
102. I took the strange skeleton to be that of a feral onager, but it was only a wild ass guess. 2.6 stars
103. The inept nerd married a nuclear software engineer who made great fission chips, she was his bride and booter. 2.6 stars
104. He dined with her at the local beanery and was immediately inflatuated. 3.5 stars
105. Ever since the mayor's ban on flammable liquids, fewer arsonists have benzene around town. 3.3 stars
106. After the trout left school, he hoped to be a steelhead in a floundry. 2.7 stars
107. Simultaneous management of elephants and walruses requires the ability to multitusk. 3.5 stars
108. Hilarious signs that stick to refrigerators can disrupt gravity with magnetic lines of farce. 2.4 stars
109. A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia. 3.5 stars
110. The cost of a galvanized hull is enough to zinc a ship. 3.2 stars
111. The chaplain got his gown from the army surplice depot. 2.7 stars
112. A flat-rate poetry tax would be a perverse form of greed. 2.9 stars
113. A poetic hack anapest iamb, but it could be verse. 2.7 stars
114. Being a petrol-deprived thug is a tankless yob. 2.4 stars
115. The Chinese pizzeria murder mystery genre is a novel dough mein. 2.5 stars
116. The predatory prawn shop skinned many an octopus alive and put a lot of suckers on squid roe. 2.6 stars
117. The Lautrec miniature slipped from its frame because it was a little Toulouse. 3.4 stars
118. The bargain store promised a free abacus with every purchase, but I wouldn't count on it. 3.5 stars
119. If ionized fertilizer is delivered after business hours, the nitrate will be charged. 3.5 stars
120. The short-order crook poached his eggs, shaved his chocolate, welched on his rabbits, and even his pastry was stollen. 2.8 stars
121. Underwater ophthalmology lens itself to more aqueous humor and cornea puns. 3.2 stars
122. A stewed chef sat pie-eyed as the crusty judge took his caraway, a punnish mint a long thyme cumin. 3.1 stars
123. Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling. 3.7 stars
124. A crazed insect discovered in the organic garden of a convent was found nun compost mantis. 2.2 stars
125. Petra the Muscovite was gneiss to a fault but stony when taken for granite. 3.1 stars
126. I can't tell you where to buy soy sauce tonight, but I can shoyu tamari. 3.2 stars
127. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? 3.9 stars
128. The overweight fighter pilot was grounded for violating the rules of engorgement. 3.0 stars
129. Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal. 3.2 stars
130. Ancient vessels lacked stability because there were no rudders in the days of yaw. 2.4 stars
131. Everyone got plastered for the Beethoven rehearsal. It was the bottom of the Ninth, chorus tight, basses loaded. 3.1 stars
132. NASA accepted the wildebeest's application, and around our planet a brave gnu whirled. 3.4 stars
133. The divorced couple hurled Angostura and Boston cream pie at each other - it was a bitter, custardy dispute. 2.4 stars