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Listing puns for Kap'n Klystron



1. Veterinarians treat all animals except ducks - that would be quack medicine. 3.0 stars
2. Am I my brother's informant? I fink not! 3.0 stars
3. The hen passed her legacy to an egg that was heir today, gone tamago. 2.0 stars
4. A good meteor shower can really rock your world. 3.7 stars
5. Doctor Otto Focus represented the very squintessence of bad optometry. 2.1 stars
6. Rather than be fired from the borscht factory, I beet them to the punch by telling them to take their job and schav it. 2.9 stars
7. Vikings were expert mariners - you can lead a Norse to water, but you can't make him sink. 3.7 stars
8. Some overreaching fungi lichen themselves to algae. 2.5 stars
9. I have trouble digesting chick peas - whenever I eat hummus, I falafel. 2.5 stars
10. The petroleum industry is exploiting shale to extract fuel or a reasonable fracksimile. 2.3 stars
11. The hamburgers had so little beef that even a microscopic tektite would be a little meteor. 2.2 stars
12. If you pay the ferryman before you get to the other side, don't be surprised if he Styx it to you. 2.7 stars
13. Last year's bonfire permit has ex-pyred. 2.6 stars
14. For years, the fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears - he now eats everything with sorghums. 2.8 stars
15. Where do baby spoons come from? The spork delivers them. 3.4 stars
16. The hunter stir-fried his game because he liked to wok on the wild side. 3.8 stars
17. Cotton farming is a classic struggle of goods versus weevils. 3.6 stars
18. Lack of ram may preclude rack of lamb. 2.7 stars
19. Instead of being rewarded for his invention, Dr. Guillotine was charged with neckless endangerment. 3.6 stars
20. Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose. 4.0 stars
21. Philosophers are slaves to ponderlust. 2.1 stars
22. Trichinosis offers eaters of raw pork two choices: cease and desist, or cyst and decease. 2.6 stars
23. To expectorate is bad grammar, because it is a spit infinitive. 2.0 stars
24. The forensic psychologist was irritable because judges and juries tried his patients. 3.2 stars
25. Due to Earth's strong gravitational field, the cost of attaining escape velocity is exorbitant. 2.5 stars
26. When the homeless burrowing rodent found a nice golf course, he decided to gopher it. 3.0 stars
27. Don't waste kindness on a rotary engine - they never reciprocate. 2.5 stars
28. Library rules regarding personal hygiene are a matter of lore and odor. 1.8 stars
29. When the church bought gas for their annual barbecue, proceeds went from the sacred to the propane. 2.5 stars
30. When two glow-worms met in the dark, it was larva at first sight. 3.0 stars
31. The inept telegrapher was a weapon of Morse destruction. 2.7 stars
32. With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural. 2.6 stars
33. Using fish for currency can achieve an economy of scale. 2.8 stars
34. The use of drones to deliver magazines will certainly raise some issues. 3.7 stars
35. The new robotic cuspidor, despite its speed and efficiency, failed to meet my expectorations. 2.2 stars
36. Pocket bread stuffed with pocket bread makes a pitaful excuse for a sandwich. 2.7 stars
37. During the late baroque era, rococo composers began to think outside the Bachs. 3.7 stars
38. The poor speller tried to express his reluctance to repeat sixth grade, but words failed him. 3.2 stars
39. After a few beers on the plane, Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder. 2.8 stars
40. The Rodent Club finished drafting their constitution, but it has yet to be ratified. 3.8 stars
41. When it comes to nourishment, a boa's best friend is his smother. 3.3 stars
42. Despite pressure to clean up their act, most dirtbags live in a vacuum. 3.7 stars
43. I need Gestalt reasoning like I need a whole in the head. 2.6 stars
44. Sponges are easy prey for divers, lacking poriferal vision. 2.8 stars
45. The lazy musician was told to shake allegro or make himself scherzo. 2.8 stars
46. The President of the Ennui Club was chairman of the bored. 3.5 stars
47. When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker. 3.2 stars
48. With copper unavailable, continued operation of the mint would make no cents. 3.8 stars
49. As the carburettor chuckled to the air filter, 'I guess the choke's on me!' 3.3 stars
50. Neuter your dog - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of curs. 2.9 stars
51. Mammals rarely marry monotremes, echidna ewe knot. 2.2 stars
52. No yelling on weekdays if you eat my dessert, but I scream Sunday. 2.5 stars
53. Luridly sailing by the clock on a sea of mucus is a phlegmbuoyant pastime. 2.2 stars
54. When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com. 3.4 stars
55. I used to enjoy steak and cheese with my eggs, but it's all ova now. 3.2 stars
56. The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her. 3.5 stars
57. Primate grandmothers look stylish in a baboonshka. 2.5 stars
58. Astral projection to church is mass tranceportation. 2.7 stars
59. The seaside Chinese buffet with free wi-fi was named The Baudwok. 2.7 stars
60. The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast. 3.3 stars
61. Superconductive materials should be properly stored in an ohmless shelter. 3.3 stars
62. Capon is the main ingredient of chicken castratori. 2.6 stars
63. Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati. 3.3 stars
64. When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, he needed more proof. 3.2 stars
65. The Vatican's supplier of duck eggs is elected by sacred balut. 2.6 stars
66. The futile search for magnetite became a wild gauss chase. 2.8 stars
67. The inept psychic attempted clairvoyance but just couldn't get intuit. 3.4 stars
68. The winter drive-by shooting was a slay ride. 3.1 stars
69. When the goat ate a Scrabble set, the letters came out in alphabetical ordure. 3.1 stars
70. When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve. 4.0 stars
71. The ancient Romans only gathered once a week, because that was enough forum. 3.8 stars
72. At breakfast, the hacker downloaded cornflakes via his cereal port. 3.1 stars
73. Even on Easter Island, most folks would rather croon an oldie than Rapa Nui. 2.8 stars
74. He, who survives embalming, truly has esprit de corpse. 3.1 stars
75. Hogs are taken to slaughter by the hearsemen of the aporkalypse. 2.8 stars
76. To disparage the wind is disgusting. 2.9 stars
77. The circus strongman had a brief affair with the contortionist, but she broke it off. 2.8 stars
78. Due to censorship, prison messages are often taken out of context. 2.9 stars
79. Qwertyus, god of keyboards, is a character from geek mythology. 3.4 stars
80. Lacking proper instruments, the surgeon had to resect a bowel using plumber's tools - it was a gut-wrenching experience. 3.5 stars
81. In exorcism literature, possession is nine-tenths of the lore. 3.2 stars
82. Though humble in secular matters, the minister had an altar ego. 3.6 stars
83. Music of the seventies spawned many new record labels, mostly now defunked. 2.7 stars
84. The crumpled SUV gave evidence of its owner's finely-hooned driving skills. 1.8 stars
85. The entomologist's wardrobe was really fly, but her friend the physicist always had something tachyon. 2.9 stars
86. Realtors guilty of steering deserve the rack, but that's just my pinion. 2.3 stars
87. Termites in the orchestra pit can lead to digestive harp failure. 3.1 stars
88. Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder. 3.8 stars
89. After carelessly plucking her eyelashes while shopping for a corsage, Rose couldn't see the florist because of the tweeze. 2.9 stars
90. The Keystone Kops were frequently criticized for excessive use of farce. 3.5 stars
91. The surgeon failed to repair his own ruptured pericardium because his heart just wasn't in it. 3.1 stars
92. Navy regulations prohibit underwater promotion to the ministry, doing so would constitute insubordination. 2.8 stars
93. When the diva's vacuum cleaner broke, she refused to use a broom because it just wouldn't be Hoover. 2.8 stars
94. The baby peas were fresh and sweet, but their fava was a has-bean. 2.3 stars
95. When the inept actor tried to steal a farmer's omelet with greens, the ham was collard in short order. 2.4 stars
96. When they claimed to house two thousand campers, it sounded like a lot of bunk. 3.4 stars
97. The chef who tried to bribe a judge with polenta was held in corntempt. 2.3 stars
98. Chardonnay may not be champagne, but it's still wine. 2.2 stars
99. To noble steeds with horse sense and stable thinking, hippocracy is not hypocrisy. 2.6 stars
100. Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed. 3.8 stars
101. He choked on his all-day sucker and would have fallen off the carousel, but the security guard caught him lollygagging around. 2.8 stars
102. Tubal ligation can get knotty, but lobotomy is a no-brainer. 3.3 stars
103. If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize. 3.7 stars
104. If you think guests really enjoy your home movies, you are probably projecting. 3.2 stars
105. The world champion of purposeful kibitzing is a goaled meddlist. 2.9 stars
106. Bell, Bark and Kennel, a novel by Ivan Pavlov, chronicles the birth of the Salivation Army. 3.2 stars
107. I took the strange skeleton to be that of a feral onager, but it was only a wild ass guess. 2.6 stars
108. The inept nerd married a nuclear software engineer who made great fission chips, she was his bride and booter. 2.6 stars
109. He dined with her at the local beanery and was immediately inflatuated. 3.5 stars
110. Ever since the mayor's ban on flammable liquids, fewer arsonists have benzene around town. 3.3 stars
111. After the trout left school, he hoped to be a steelhead in a floundry. 2.7 stars
112. Simultaneous management of elephants and walruses requires the ability to multitusk. 3.5 stars
113. Hilarious signs that stick to refrigerators can disrupt gravity with magnetic lines of farce. 2.3 stars
114. A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia. 3.5 stars
115. The cost of a galvanized hull is enough to zinc a ship. 3.2 stars
116. The chaplain got his gown from the army surplice depot. 2.7 stars
117. A flat-rate poetry tax would be a perverse form of greed. 2.9 stars
118. A poetic hack anapest iamb, but it could be verse. 2.7 stars
119. Being a petrol-deprived thug is a tankless yob. 2.4 stars
120. The Chinese pizzeria murder mystery genre is a novel dough mein. 2.5 stars
121. The predatory prawn shop skinned many an octopus alive and put a lot of suckers on squid roe. 2.6 stars
122. The Lautrec miniature slipped from its frame because it was a little Toulouse. 3.4 stars
123. The bargain store promised a free abacus with every purchase, but I wouldn't count on it. 3.5 stars
124. If ionized fertilizer is delivered after business hours, the nitrate will be charged. 3.5 stars
125. The short-order crook poached his eggs, shaved his chocolate, welched on his rabbits, and even his pastry was stollen. 2.8 stars
126. Underwater ophthalmology lens itself to more aqueous humor and cornea puns. 3.2 stars
127. A stewed chef sat pie-eyed as the crusty judge took his caraway, a punnish mint a long thyme cumin. 3.1 stars
128. Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling. 3.7 stars
129. A crazed insect discovered in the organic garden of a convent was found nun compost mantis. 2.2 stars
130. Petra the Muscovite was gneiss to a fault but stony when taken for granite. 3.1 stars
131. I can't tell you where to buy soy sauce tonight, but I can shoyu tamari. 3.2 stars
132. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? 3.9 stars
133. The overweight fighter pilot was grounded for violating the rules of engorgement. 3.0 stars
134. Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal. 3.2 stars
135. Ancient vessels lacked stability because there were no rudders in the days of yaw. 2.4 stars
136. Everyone got plastered for the Beethoven rehearsal. It was the bottom of the Ninth, chorus tight, basses loaded. 3.1 stars
137. NASA accepted the wildebeest's application, and around our planet a brave gnu whirled. 3.4 stars
138. The divorced couple hurled Angostura and Boston cream pie at each other - it was a bitter, custardy dispute. 2.4 stars