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Listing puns for Owen McMahon



1. They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt. 1.6 stars
2. If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent. 2.2 stars
3. I may not have been chaste but I've never been caught. 3.3 stars
4. The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted. 3.9 stars
5. I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture. 2.6 stars
6. Vampires snack between meals on lentils because they are so into pulses. 1.8 stars
7. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.6 stars
8. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
9. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.1 stars
10. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 4.0 stars
11. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.5 stars
12. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
13. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
14. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.3 stars
15. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 3.9 stars
16. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
17. I'm prone to lying. 3.2 stars
18. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
19. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.8 stars
20. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
21. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
22. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
23. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.3 stars
24. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
25. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
26. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
27. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
28. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
29. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
30. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
31. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
32. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
33. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
34. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
35. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.7 stars
36. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.6 stars
37. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
38. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
39. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
40. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
41. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
42. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.3 stars
43. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
44. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
45. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
46. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.6 stars
47. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
48. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.5 stars