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Listing puns for Owen McMahon

1. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.7 stars
2. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
3. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.0 stars
4. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 4.0 stars
5. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.5 stars
6. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
7. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
8. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.3 stars
9. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 3.9 stars
10. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
11. I'm prone to lying. 3.1 stars
12. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
13. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.8 stars
14. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
15. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
16. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
17. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.3 stars
18. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
19. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
20. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
21. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
22. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
23. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
24. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
25. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
26. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
27. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
28. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
29. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.7 stars
30. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.6 stars
31. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
32. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
33. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
34. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
35. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
36. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.4 stars
37. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
38. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
39. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
40. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.6 stars
41. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
42. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.5 stars