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Listing puns for Owen McMahon

1. I have learned how to take a compliment because I'm not usually offered any. 2.6 stars
2. Circling vultures are a dead giveaway. 3.9 stars
3. She comes from a long line of slow check out operators. 2.8 stars
4. Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse. 3.8 stars
5. I gave up my job as a high-wire walker because I was struggling to achieve work-life balance. 2.8 stars
6. My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off. 3.2 stars
7. Pre-schoolers are like black holes. They draw in everything around them. 2.8 stars
8. Computer geeks always look scruffy because they only take milliseconds to refresh. 2.8 stars
9. My relationship with my chauffeur just isn't going anywhere. It feels like he's always trying to drive me away. 4.0 stars
10. The meaning of opaque is unclear. 3.9 stars
11. Controlling geometry teachers divide and rule. 2.3 stars
12. When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking. 3.5 stars
13. They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt. 1.6 stars
14. If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent. 2.2 stars
15. I may not have been chaste but I've never been caught. 3.4 stars
16. The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted. 3.9 stars
17. I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture. 2.6 stars
18. Vampires snack between meals on lentils because they are so into pulses. 1.8 stars
19. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.6 stars
20. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
21. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.1 stars
22. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 4.0 stars
23. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.6 stars
24. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
25. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
26. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.3 stars
27. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 4.0 stars
28. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
29. I'm prone to lying. 3.2 stars
30. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
31. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.8 stars
32. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
33. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
34. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
35. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.3 stars
36. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
37. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
38. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
39. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
40. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
41. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
42. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
43. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
44. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
45. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
46. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
47. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.7 stars
48. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.5 stars
49. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
50. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
51. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
52. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
53. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
54. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.3 stars
55. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
56. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
57. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
58. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.6 stars
59. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
60. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.5 stars