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Listing puns for Toycoon

1. I have a difficult time discerning fine jewelry. I guess I've been out of the loupe too long. 2.5 stars
2. I used to work as a high school ceramics teacher, but I got too close to the kiln and I was fired. 3.5 stars
3. I keep walking methodically back and forth. I have to learn to pace myself. 3.0 stars
4. My wife has a cold. This morning she woke up and had her morning coughy. 3.6 stars
5. The race car driver had a checkered past. 3.3 stars
6. I am always sad when I go to the dentist, so I put on music and listen through my blue tooth headphones. 2.6 stars
7. I recycle. I just bought a used Harley. 2.0 stars
8. I have been blogging about my recent surgery and recovery from abdominal surgery. I call my blog 'The Chronicles of Hernia'. 2.8 stars
9. Having been diagnosed with a hernia has bothered me to my core. 1.5 stars
10. When the perfume factory magnate died it was discovered that he didn't leave his heirs a scent. 3.7 stars
11. I was nervous before hernia surgery. My stomach was in knots. 2.7 stars
12. I was just diagnosed as having a hernia. My wife and kids are setting up a truss fund. 3.4 stars
13. I want to open a photo processing store in a developing country. 3.3 stars
14. My insurance did not cover acupuncture, so I got stuck with the bill. 3.4 stars
15. After injuring my upper arm and wearing an ice pack, my wife accused me of giving her the cold shoulder. 3.1 stars
16. I went out with a coal miner's daughter. I guess you could say I was carbon dated. 3.2 stars
17. I tried to update my computer this morning but it wouldn't work. After several attempts, I had that syncing feeling. 3.1 stars
18. I was saddened to learn that my neighbor, who is a respiratory therapist, expired last week. 2.1 stars
19. I don't know why my eyeglass lenses were steamed up. I was mystified. 3.2 stars
20. When our fraternity voted whether or not to permit alcohol, there was not a dry aye in the house. 3.6 stars
21. The thing about vampires is they always have such biting humour. 2.9 stars
22. I searched for designer compression stockings. My wife says it is because I'm so vein. 2.7 stars
23. My elderly aunt loves telling jokes while she knits. She is a real knitwit. 3.7 stars
24. My dentist would simply not stop working on my teeth. He was abscessive compulsive. 3.3 stars
25. My friend brought me a Swedish cake. I later discovered it was Stollen. 3.2 stars
26. I don't use too much wine in making charosis for Passover, lest I get charosis of the liver. 2.4 stars
27. In attempting to cook Japanese food, I bento ver backwards learning proper technique. 2.3 stars
28. We're expecting fallout from the recent layoffs at the nuclear plant. 3.0 stars
29. I simply must find a new podiatrist. My podiatrist has developed such a callus attitude. 3.5 stars
30. When I suffered a groin injury I became quite testy. 3.2 stars
31. Since I've taken the job in The Everglades I've been swamped! 3.5 stars
32. I suspected our new house guest was a terrorist. He asked to sleep on a blow up mattress. 3.2 stars
33. As a drug counselor, I get clients by reeferal. 2.3 stars
34. What kind of flooring do alligator hunters use? Reptiles! 3.1 stars
35. After 5 years with the same chiropractor, I moved and had to change doctors. It was quite an adjustment. 3.3 stars
36. I went to a buffet dinner with my neighbor, who is a taxidermist. After such a big meal, I was stuffed. 3.5 stars
37. Obituaries of those hanged in the old west used to be posted in the noose paper. 3.6 stars
38. I fired the floor refinishers. They simply could not hold their lacquer. 3.0 stars
39. When I got the bill for the engine rebuild, I blew a gasket! 3.2 stars
40. The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material. 3.8 stars
41. When I learned what the gun lobby was doing, I went ballistic! 3.3 stars
42. The dermatologist and his wife enjoyed the backyard BBQ, while their children played a game of skin tag. 2.6 stars
43. The airlines have become so cash-strapped, they charged me for my emotional baggage. 3.7 stars
44. Two florists got married. It was an arranged marriage. 3.5 stars
45. In veterinary school we studied the brain of the hippopotamus. At that time most students stayed on the main campus, while I stayed on the hippocampus. 2.5 stars
46. When a neurologist relocates, does he change his mind? 3.3 stars
47. I was kicked out of math class for one too many infractions. 3.5 stars
48. I got kicked out of cartoon art school. I guess you could say I was in suspended animation. 3.5 stars
49. Instead of engaging in my own hobbies, my wife has me constantly helping her in her garden. I guess you could say I am pistil whipped. 3.2 stars
50. The priest was very stern during the service last Sunday. After church I was distressed. I then realized that we had experienced critical mass. 3.0 stars
51. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless. 3.8 stars
52. My student was late for class, claiming he was in the washroom. I think he was stalling. 3.9 stars
53. If I am afraid of losing my fat tissue. My psychiatrist told me I have an adipose complex. 2.8 stars
54. The chimney sweep wore a soot and tye. 3.3 stars
55. They served lunch at the auto repair shop, but I didn't eat it. It was full of carbs. 3.5 stars
56. At the petting zoo I saw a sheep scratching itself. Turns out it had fleece. 3.3 stars
57. When the presidential candidates campaign in rural areas, do they take a straw poll? When they campaign in forested areas do they give stump speeches? 3.1 stars
58. I tried to play the bagpipes, but the sound coming out was off kilter. 3.5 stars
59. I was fired from my job selling amplifiers. I didn't achieve the sufficient volume of sales. 3.4 stars
60. In high school I recall having a beautiful but difficult math teacher. She was easy on the eyes and hard on the pupils! 3.5 stars
61. My son wanted a scooter. When I told him they are too dangerous, he moped around the house. 3.1 stars
62. The hand surgeon went to the opthamologist to be examined for carpal tunnel vision. 2.7 stars
63. I had a tough time working as a garbage collector because of miasma. 2.6 stars
64. The haughty magician had illusions of grandeur. 3.1 stars
65. The anesthesiologist's computer has an ethernet connection. 2.9 stars
66. I was in a big hurry so I scrambled to make eggs for breakfast. 3.1 stars
67. I was studying in an apiary class. This resulted in me receiving a bee on my exam. 3.5 stars
68. I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours. 3.8 stars
69. I knew my wife was pregnant when she looked at me with fertilize. 2.9 stars