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Listing puns for Bob Greenwade

1. The store sold me cut-rate food for my horse at an exorbitant price, then had the nerve to send me a 'customer service' survey. I didn't hesitate to give them the feed back. 3.0 stars
2. Odorless perfumes are non-scents. 4.0 stars
3. That arsonist destroyed all my scissors. Shear torcher! 3.3 stars
4. That butane lighter may be stubborn, but it's no match for me! 3.6 stars
5. The decision to legalize marijuana was made by a high government official. 4.1 stars
6. The King of satyrs tried his hand at directing a cooking show on TV, but only received pan reviews. 1.9 stars
7. To help me lose weight, my doctor recommends a glutton-free diet. 3.8 stars
8. Nobody wants to meditate with me! I guess my 'om' is just getting too much resistance. 2.4 stars
9. Two dead bodies were found inside a trunk this morning. Police are seeking the public's help, particularly in locating the rest of the elephant. 2.7 stars
10. When she went into labor, her husband started having a midwife crisis. 3.0 stars
11. The cat climbed to the highest spot in the discotheque, but then couldn't get down. 2.0 stars
12. I just can't seem to finish this woodworking project, but it's not for lacquer trying. 3.3 stars
13. When the Human Torch lost his superpowers, he was certainly put out. 2.9 stars
14. We can all praise Tom Hiddleston for his Loki performance. 2.4 stars
15. I dropped a potato into my paper shredder, and that really made a hash of things. 2.6 stars
16. We have a giant squid to catch, so let's get kraken! 3.6 stars
17. In the mud room was a shoe rack shaped like a dinner fork, with a sign over it: 'These are the tines that dry men's soles.' 3.2 stars
18. I've tried birling. It's as easy as falling off a log. 2.8 stars
19. The Surgeon General is a doc without a peer. 1.6 stars
20. If you're headed to Siberia, a stopover in Mongolia is a steppe in the right direction. 2.6 stars
21. The Black Death! Avoid it like the plague! 3.0 stars
22. She was always afraid of change, and for that reason, when using cash, she always paid the exact amount she owed. 2.7 stars
23. Exchanging salt-water recipes is a case of the brined leading the brined. 2.5 stars
24. Moonlighting at stand-up comedy, the baker was known for his rye humor. 3.3 stars
25. Two pet owners got together for a weekly public discussion on the Internet. They called it their Pawed Cast. 3.2 stars
26. The two shoemakers got married because they were sole mates. 3.5 stars
27. 2017 would have been a great year to open up a unisex haircut place and call it 'Totally Clips'. 3.3 stars
28. I used to not like Newtons, but now they're my favorite snack. Go fig. 3.3 stars
29. Puns were actually invented in the southern reaches of Ukraine. That's why they call it Crimean punnishment. 2.8 stars
30. A quarter-acre of undeveloped land may not seem like much to some people, but to me it's a lot. 3.9 stars
31. For summer vacation, I decided to go to north-eastern Spain and Basque in the sunshine. 3.3 stars
32. A sleeping bag is a nap sack. 3.3 stars
33. The deer grabbed the gun and gave the hunter a taste of his own venison. 2.8 stars
34. The inventor of pantyhose really left us quite a legacy. 3.3 stars
35. If you want to keep squirrels out of the bird feeder, just install a little climb-it control. 3.0 stars
36. I've heard about the rumors that I keep vats of acid at my home, but they're lyes -- all lyes! 3.3 stars
37. Whoever served up the wine at that banquet did a pour job. 3.6 stars
38. The political analysts I hear the most from are Don Key and Ella Funt. 2.9 stars
39. I just looked up the word 'apocalypse' in the dictionary. It was quite a revelation. 3.7 stars
40. Ice cold coffee? Cool beans! 3.0 stars
41. It's the barbecue I've always wanted - the grill of my dreams! 2.8 stars
42. Moliere's influence on modern comedy just shows that he was very farce-sighted. 3.3 stars
43. Proper punctuation can make the difference between a sentence that's well-written and a sentence that's, well, written. 3.9 stars
44. I knew the little guy was going to play a prank on me, because of my sense of imp portents. 3.0 stars
45. Bird-dogs are great for music, because they're both woofers and tweeters. 3.1 stars