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Dr. Dirt
dr. dirt

1. What do you call a band of leaping insects playing old time music? 'Blue-grass Hoppers'. 3.0 stars
2. A good pun is like a dalmatian, it's easy to spot. 3.4 stars
3. The wrestler was showing off some fancy moves to the crowd. He turned toward me and asked, 'How do you like them grapples'? 3.0 stars
4. What do you think the glib surgeon said to me after he took off my leg above the knee? 'It won't be long now'. 3.5 stars
5. I didn't use to care much for most puns but over time some of them have groan on me. 3.8 stars
6. This year in the toy department, drones are a big hit. They are literally flying off the shelves. 3.7 stars
7. What did one piece of rope say to the other before going into battle? 'Shall we join the fray?' 3.9 stars
8. The stock boy was hogging all the available display space. He was being shelf-ish. 3.4 stars
9. While its true I've been raking it in lately - when it comes to my neighbor's trees I wish they would just leaf me alone. 3.1 stars
10. I spent five dollars for a weather app on my phone. I got two dollars and fifteen cents back in 'climate change'. 3.2 stars
11. Whenever I stash my arrows I can't help but quiver. 3.3 stars
12. What do you call really big army ants? GI-ants. 3.1 stars
13. My political opponent claimed I used too much mayo on my bagel. It was a smear tactic. 3.1 stars
14. When the atheist observed his plight he realized he didn't have a prayer. 2.5 stars
15. Ever since I switched to wrinkle free shirts my laundry issues have been less pressing. 3.8 stars
16. I got arrested at the Farmers Market for disturbing the peas. 3.4 stars
17. My wife found a twenty in my pants pocket after she washed and dried them. I had to turn her in to the authorities for money laundering. 3.2 stars
18. A hair raising experience sounds pretty good to a bald guy. 3.5 stars
19. Don't you just hate it when folks that get hit in the head, jump to concussions? 2.6 stars
20. The outrageous colors of our game day uniforms were so mismatched they were dubbed 'clash action suits'. 2.6 stars
21. While I was sitting on the bench I noticed a really pungent odor. No wonder they call it a pew. 2.4 stars
22. Whenever there is an earthquake the geologists are always quick to find fault. 3.9 stars
23. In an effort to smooth things over and resolve their differences one gladiator said to the other, 'Let's bury the hatchet and go clubbing'. 3.2 stars
24. Squirrels that just don't care anymore have been seen throwing cashews to the wind. 2.0 stars
25. Oops, I jumped into the pool with my watch on. I don't know if it is waterproof or not. I guess only time will tell. 3.8 stars
26. My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it. 4.0 stars
27. If I had it to do all over again, I'm sure I would overdo it. 2.5 stars
28. Often what separates a good pun, from a great one, is just a matter of 'clause and effect'. 3.0 stars
29. Teaching your slinky new tricks is like spring training. 3.7 stars
30. The athlete claimed he long jumped over 25 feet. Actually his best jump only measured 23 feet. This was a clear case of leap fraud. 3.0 stars
31. My shrink assures me that my obsession with the formalization of puns is just a 'phrase I'm going through'. 3.5 stars
32. The testimony at the barbershop is mostly hair-say. 3.3 stars
33. I really would put my wife on a pedestal if she wasn't so afraid of heights. 2.7 stars
34. The bank robber looked so peaceful and innocent lying there under his big fluffy blanket. Just goes to show you, you can't judge a crook by his cover. 2.9 stars
35. It was so hot the other day that even the mosquitoes were dropping like flies. 3.2 stars
36. Just in time for Thanksgiving a blockbuster movie about sweet potatoes, 'The Silence of the Yams'. 2.8 stars
37. Gladys the seamstress was recently inducted into the Pin Pushers Hall of Fame. I guess now she is a status thimble. 3.0 stars