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Listing puns for
Dr. Dirt
dr. dirt

1.	I spent five dollars for a weather app on my phone. I got two dollars and fifteen cents back in 'climate change'.
2.	Whenever I stash my arrows I can't help but quiver.
3.	What do you call really big army ants? GI-ants.
4.	My political opponent claimed I used too much mayo on my bagel. It was a smear tactic.
5.	When the atheist observed his plight he realized he didn't have a prayer.
6.	Ever since I switched to wrinkle free shirts my laundry issues have been less pressing.
7.	I got arrested at the Farmers Market for disturbing the peas.
8.	My wife found a twenty in my pants pocket after she washed and dried them. I had to turn her in to the authorities for money laundering.
9.	A hair raising experience sounds pretty good to a bald guy.
10.	Don't you just hate it when folks that get hit in the head, jump to concussions?
11.	The outrageous colors of our game day uniforms were so mismatched they were dubbed 'clash action suits'.
12.	While I was sitting on the bench I noticed a really pungent odor. No wonder they call it a pew.
13.	Whenever there is an earthquake the geologists are always quick to find fault.
14.	In an effort to smooth things over and resolve their differences one gladiator said to the other, 'Let's bury the hatchet and go clubbing'.
15.	Squirrels that just don't care anymore have been seen throwing cashews to the wind.
16.	Oops, I jumped into the pool with my watch on. I don't know if it is waterproof or not. I guess only time will tell.
17.	My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it.
18.	If I had it to do all over again, I'm sure I would overdo it.
19.	Often what separates a good pun, from a great one, is just a matter of 'clause and effect'.
20.	Teaching your slinky new tricks is like spring training.
21.	The athlete claimed he long jumped over 25 feet. Actually his best jump only measured 23 feet. This was a clear case of leap fraud.
22.	My shrink assures me that my obsession with the formalization of puns is just a 'phrase I'm going through'.
23.	The testimony at the barbershop is mostly hair-say.
24.	I really would put my wife on a pedestal if she wasn't so afraid of heights.
25.	The bank robber looked so peaceful and innocent lying there under his big fluffy blanket. Just goes to show you, you can't judge a crook by his cover.
26.	It was so hot the other day that even the mosquitoes were dropping like flies.
27.	Just in time for Thanksgiving a blockbuster movie about sweet potatoes, 'The Silence of the Yams'.
28.	Gladys the seamstress was recently inducted into the Pin Pushers Hall of Fame. I guess now she is a status thimble.