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Dr. Dirt
dr. dirt

1. What did one piece of rope say to the other before going into battle? 'Shall we join the fray?' 3.8 stars
2. The stock boy was hogging all the available display space. He was being shelf-ish. 3.5 stars
3. While its true I've been raking it in lately - when it comes to my neighbor's trees I wish they would just leaf me alone. 3.1 stars
4. I spent five dollars for a weather app on my phone. I got two dollars and fifteen cents back in 'climate change'. 3.2 stars
5. Whenever I stash my arrows I can't help but quiver. 3.3 stars
6. What do you call really big army ants? GI-ants. 3.1 stars
7. My political opponent claimed I used too much mayo on my bagel. It was a smear tactic. 3.1 stars
8. When the atheist observed his plight he realized he didn't have a prayer. 2.5 stars
9. Ever since I switched to wrinkle free shirts my laundry issues have been less pressing. 3.8 stars
10. I got arrested at the Farmers Market for disturbing the peas. 3.4 stars
11. My wife found a twenty in my pants pocket after she washed and dried them. I had to turn her in to the authorities for money laundering. 3.2 stars
12. A hair raising experience sounds pretty good to a bald guy. 3.5 stars
13. Don't you just hate it when folks that get hit in the head, jump to concussions? 2.6 stars
14. The outrageous colors of our game day uniforms were so mismatched they were dubbed 'clash action suits'. 2.6 stars
15. While I was sitting on the bench I noticed a really pungent odor. No wonder they call it a pew. 2.4 stars
16. Whenever there is an earthquake the geologists are always quick to find fault. 3.9 stars
17. In an effort to smooth things over and resolve their differences one gladiator said to the other, 'Let's bury the hatchet and go clubbing'. 3.2 stars
18. Squirrels that just don't care anymore have been seen throwing cashews to the wind. 2.0 stars
19. Oops, I jumped into the pool with my watch on. I don't know if it is waterproof or not. I guess only time will tell. 3.8 stars
20. My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I'm not sure what it stems from, but it seems likely I'll be stuck with it. 4.0 stars
21. If I had it to do all over again, I'm sure I would overdo it. 2.5 stars
22. Often what separates a good pun, from a great one, is just a matter of 'clause and effect'. 3.0 stars
23. Teaching your slinky new tricks is like spring training. 3.7 stars
24. The athlete claimed he long jumped over 25 feet. Actually his best jump only measured 23 feet. This was a clear case of leap fraud. 3.0 stars
25. My shrink assures me that my obsession with the formalization of puns is just a 'phrase I'm going through'. 3.5 stars
26. The testimony at the barbershop is mostly hair-say. 3.3 stars
27. I really would put my wife on a pedestal if she wasn't so afraid of heights. 2.7 stars
28. The bank robber looked so peaceful and innocent lying there under his big fluffy blanket. Just goes to show you, you can't judge a crook by his cover. 2.9 stars
29. It was so hot the other day that even the mosquitoes were dropping like flies. 3.2 stars
30. Just in time for Thanksgiving a blockbuster movie about sweet potatoes, 'The Silence of the Yams'. 2.8 stars
31. Gladys the seamstress was recently inducted into the Pin Pushers Hall of Fame. I guess now she is a status thimble. 3.0 stars