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Listing puns for Hyla Hope Harder

1. What was the retired dentist's favorite card game? Bridge. 3.1 stars
2. What do you call an unsuccessful spinal surgery? A debackle. 2.7 stars
3. When the vocal instructor at our local music academy thought he smelled smoke, he set off the fire alarm. It turned out to be nothing. It was a falsetto alarm. 2.5 stars
4. What is claustrophobia? An unnatural fear of jolly old St. Nick! 3.2 stars
5. My uncle is the bass in a barbershop quartet. Yesterday was his first time to sing so low. 2.4 stars
6. What do you call a survey you fill out after staying in a motel? Innput. 3.1 stars
7. What do you call an arctic cold spell at the end of the year? Decemburr! 2.8 stars
8. A group of ophthalmologists proposed a resolution to make 2020 the 'Year of the Eye'. The resolution was passed unanimously. The Eyes had it! 3.0 stars
9. A juvenile delinquent is an example of an arrested youth. 2.8 stars
10. The knitter did not say much but she shrugged a lot! 2.2 stars
11. On Halloween, what is the most read part of a newspaper? The 'Horrorscope.' 2.9 stars
12. When you and your neighbors overeat at a backyard barbeque, it is called a pignic. 3.3 stars
13. I always eat a lot of chocolate on Valentine's Day because I know after the middle of February, Lent will be fast approaching. 1.7 stars
14. When I was studying environmental science, my favorite professor was an expert on wetlands and quagmires. I still love to read his bog post. 2.3 stars
15. In 1582 William Shakespeare married a lady named Anne. Rumor has it that he often said, 'She hath a way about her.' 3.1 stars
16. Our high school math teacher moonlights by selling concessions at local baseball games. He is a true ballpark figure. 1.7 stars
17. What do you call a neighborhood where several authors live? A writers' block. 3.9 stars
18. My favorite garden store is having a sale on potting soil. It is now dirt cheap. 3.7 stars
19. Authentic hemp rope is made ac-cord-ing to string-ent regulations. 2.3 stars
20. On New Year's Eve, old Father Time hands over time to Baby New Year with a scythe of relief! 2.0 stars
21. What do you call it when you take a picture of your favorite bookcase? A shelf-ie! 2.9 stars
22. After he retired, why did the pro golfer buy a doughnut shop? He enjoyed making holes in one. 2.4 stars
23. Each winter my uncle has his chimney inspected and cleaned. He does this to prepare his home for the 'flue' season! 2.8 stars
24. The bakery was so wrapped up in decorating for Christmas that they even decorated their website's cookies. 2.7 stars
25. Once there was a Scottish thief who stole only valuable, antique tartans. When he was arrested, he plaid guilty. 2.8 stars
26. My cousin Henry loves automotive history. He never gets tired of studying it. He gets Benz out of shape if you say his hobby is a waste of time. It occupies his every spare moment. 1.7 stars
27. I am writing a term paper on various types of golf courses. I have found many links on the computer. 2.9 stars
28. The dermatologist loved to cook. He made everything from scratch. 1.8 stars
29. When the tree surgeon and his girlfriend broke up, he pined for her for months. Knock on wood, they will someday get back together. 2.2 stars
30. My sister fell in love with a circus trapeze artist. At first, we all thought she was attracted to his net worth, but she said it was his gravity-defying leaps of thought. They are both flying high now. 1.8 stars
31. My church has a well-respected bell choir. I started to audition for it but the long practice sessions did not appeal to me. I am sorry now I did not inquire more about it out because now my chance is gong forever. 1.7 stars
32. What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert? Cobbler. 3.2 stars
33. Exterminators never die - they are just gnat seen anymore. 2.0 stars
34. What is the most romantic fruit? Dates. 2.9 stars
35. The barista earned latte good tips. 2.3 stars
36. Old English teachers never die - they just parse away. 3.0 stars
37. What do you call the medical condition where your feet go to sleep? Coma-toes. 4.0 stars
38. At the annual Anglo-Saxon Fair, I did not drink any wassail. I did not feel any mead for it. 2.0 stars
39. Why did the lumberjack lose his job? He axed too many questions. 3.1 stars
40. The neurologist wanted to propose to his girl friend, but he just didn't have the nerve. 3.1 stars
41. Why are brain surgeons ambitious? They want to get a head. 2.9 stars
42. Canus Major was the original alpha dog. 2.4 stars
43. The high school music teacher was quite controversial. He told his students to read band books. 3.4 stars
44. In ancient Egypt, papyrus farmers taught people the importance of reeding. 3.5 stars
45. The admiral's motto was, 'Do it schooner, not later!' 2.9 stars
46. The student had such a big assignment, he had to burn his kindle at both ends. 3.4 stars
47. My trip to the Grand Canyon cost a hole lot of money and gorged my bank account butte it was worth it! 3.1 stars
48. To use a computer to prospect for gold, you need to downlode. 2.7 stars
49. The optometrist ran for mayor because he was a visionary. 3.2 stars
50. What does a king eat while on his throne? Soup of the dais. 2.4 stars
51. The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in. 3.9 stars
52. An heir is someone with a descent wage. 2.7 stars
53. When the statistics professor and the math professor wrote a cookbook together, they called it 'Pi A La Mode.' 3.4 stars
54. The linen shop gave their employees free bedding. Even their accountant had his own handmade spread sheet. 3.2 stars
55. The geneticist taught his students how to mendel defective genes. 2.5 stars
56. What part of the United States produces the largest number of cardiologists? The heartland. 3.1 stars
57. Motel operators never die, they just check out. 3.3 stars
58. The dermatologist was an avid gardener but he had a problem with moles. 3.3 stars
59. The roulette dealer had a unique personality. He had a different spin on everything. 3.2 stars
60. The pilot was a loner but even for him flying a drone was just too remote. 3.0 stars
61. The international jewel thieves were hard to catch because they had a good ring leader. 3.4 stars
62. When the snake charmer wanted to get dressed up, she put on an extra garter. 3.1 stars
63. The hotel chef was noted for his tomfoolery and his capers. 2.6 stars
64. The concert violinist believed in exercise, consequently, he was fit as a fiddle. 3.6 stars
65. The baseball pitcher's personality needed some polish. He was a diamond in the rough. 2.8 stars
66. Shopaholics never die, they just sale away. 3.7 stars
67. Old pianists never die, they just adagio away. 2.2 stars
68. The mother kangaroo tried to instill good financial habits in her baby. She told him to pocket all his allowance. 2.8 stars
69. The two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord. 3.6 stars
70. Soup operas were the big winners at the Cans Film Festival. 3.1 stars
71. The humorist's favorite sandwich was smoked tongue on wry. 3.2 stars
72. As usual, the chief meteorologist blustered his way through the staff meeting. 2.4 stars
73. The portrait artist made extra money as a census taker. He was good at canvasing people. 3.4 stars
74. The grammarian was very logical. He had a lot of comma sense. 3.4 stars
75. The landscaper thought gardening magazines were fun to leaf through. 3.2 stars
76. The soprano was very optimistic and always left her friends on a high note. 3.2 stars
77. Due to inclement weather, the sandwich shop wrapped up early Tuesday night. 3.1 stars
78. When I went to the International Club, I accidentally spilled coffee on a Hindu lady's dress. I told her I was very sari. 3.0 stars
79. The ophthalmologist was called to testify because he was the only eye witness. 3.6 stars
80. The two geologists lived only a stone's throw apart. 3.0 stars
81. When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home. 3.7 stars
82. The church choir robes were too long and needed to be hymned. 3.4 stars
83. Every November, Mark, a member of MENSA, wishes his peers 'Happy Thinksgiving!' 2.2 stars