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Listing puns for Hyla Hope Harder

1. Our high school math teacher moonlights by selling concessions at local baseball games. He is a true ballpark figure. 1.5 stars
2. What do you call a neighborhood where several authors live? A writers' block. 3.8 stars
3. My favorite garden store is having a sale on potting soil. It is now dirt cheap. 3.6 stars
4. Authentic hemp rope is made ac-cord-ing to string-ent regulations. 2.4 stars
5. On New Year's Eve, old Father Time hands over time to Baby New Year with a scythe of relief! 2.0 stars
6. What do you call it when you take a picture of your favorite bookcase? A shelf-ie! 3.0 stars
7. After he retired, why did the pro golfer buy a doughnut shop? He enjoyed making holes in one. 2.5 stars
8. Each winter my uncle has his chimney inspected and cleaned. He does this to prepare his home for the 'flue' season! 2.8 stars
9. The bakery was so wrapped up in decorating for Christmas that they even decorated their website's cookies. 2.6 stars
10. Once there was a Scottish thief who stole only valuable, antique tartans. When he was arrested, he plaid guilty. 2.8 stars
11. My cousin Henry loves automotive history. He never gets tired of studying it. He gets Benz out of shape if you say his hobby is a waste of time. It occupies his every spare moment. 1.7 stars
12. I am writing a term paper on various types of golf courses. I have found many links on the computer. 2.8 stars
13. The dermatologist loved to cook. He made everything from scratch. 1.8 stars
14. When the tree surgeon and his girlfriend broke up, he pined for her for months. Knock on wood, they will someday get back together. 2.1 stars
15. My sister fell in love with a circus trapeze artist. At first, we all thought she was attracted to his net worth, but she said it was his gravity-defying leaps of thought. They are both flying high now. 1.8 stars
16. My church has a well-respected bell choir. I started to audition for it but the long practice sessions did not appeal to me. I am sorry now I did not inquire more about it out because now my chance is gong forever. 1.7 stars
17. What is a shoe repairman's favorite dessert? Cobbler. 3.2 stars
18. Exterminators never die - they are just gnat seen anymore. 2.0 stars
19. What is the most romantic fruit? Dates. 2.9 stars
20. The barista earned latte good tips. 2.3 stars
21. Old English teachers never die - they just parse away. 3.0 stars
22. What do you call the medical condition where your feet go to sleep? Coma-toes. 4.0 stars
23. At the annual Anglo-Saxon Fair, I did not drink any wassail. I did not feel any mead for it. 2.0 stars
24. Why did the lumberjack lose his job? He axed too many questions. 3.1 stars
25. The neurologist wanted to propose to his girl friend, but he just didn't have the nerve. 3.0 stars
26. Why are brain surgeons ambitious? They want to get a head. 2.9 stars
27. Canus Major was the original alpha dog. 2.4 stars
28. The high school music teacher was quite controversial. He told his students to read band books. 3.4 stars
29. In ancient Egypt, papyrus farmers taught people the importance of reeding. 3.5 stars
30. The admiral's motto was, 'Do it schooner, not later!' 3.0 stars
31. The student had such a big assignment, he had to burn his kindle at both ends. 3.4 stars
32. My trip to the Grand Canyon cost a hole lot of money and gorged my bank account butte it was worth it! 3.1 stars
33. To use a computer to prospect for gold, you need to downlode. 2.7 stars
34. The optometrist ran for mayor because he was a visionary. 3.2 stars
35. What does a king eat while on his throne? Soup of the dais. 2.4 stars
36. The lumberjack loved his new computer. He especially enjoyed logging in. 3.9 stars
37. An heir is someone with a descent wage. 2.8 stars
38. When the statistics professor and the math professor wrote a cookbook together, they called it 'Pi A La Mode.' 3.4 stars
39. The linen shop gave their employees free bedding. Even their accountant had his own handmade spread sheet. 3.2 stars
40. The geneticist taught his students how to mendel defective genes. 2.5 stars
41. What part of the United States produces the largest number of cardiologists? The heartland. 3.1 stars
42. Motel operators never die, they just check out. 3.3 stars
43. The dermatologist was an avid gardener but he had a problem with moles. 3.3 stars
44. The roulette dealer had a unique personality. He had a different spin on everything. 3.2 stars
45. The pilot was a loner but even for him flying a drone was just too remote. 3.0 stars
46. The international jewel thieves were hard to catch because they had a good ring leader. 3.4 stars
47. When the snake charmer wanted to get dressed up, she put on an extra garter. 3.1 stars
48. The hotel chef was noted for his tomfoolery and his capers. 2.6 stars
49. The concert violinist believed in exercise, consequently, he was fit as a fiddle. 3.6 stars
50. The baseball pitcher's personality needed some polish. He was a diamond in the rough. 2.8 stars
51. Shopaholics never die, they just sale away. 3.7 stars
52. Old pianists never die, they just adagio away. 2.2 stars
53. The mother kangaroo tried to instill good financial habits in her baby. She told him to pocket all his allowance. 2.8 stars
54. The two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord. 3.6 stars
55. Soup operas were the big winners at the Cans Film Festival. 3.1 stars
56. The humorist's favorite sandwich was smoked tongue on wry. 3.2 stars
57. As usual, the chief meteorologist blustered his way through the staff meeting. 2.4 stars
58. The portrait artist made extra money as a census taker. He was good at canvasing people. 3.4 stars
59. The grammarian was very logical. He had a lot of comma sense. 3.4 stars
60. The landscaper thought gardening magazines were fun to leaf through. 3.2 stars
61. The soprano was very optimistic and always left her friends on a high note. 3.2 stars
62. Due to inclement weather, the sandwich shop wrapped up early Tuesday night. 3.1 stars
63. When I went to the International Club, I accidentally spilled coffee on a Hindu lady's dress. I told her I was very sari. 3.0 stars
64. The ophthalmologist was called to testify because he was the only eye witness. 3.6 stars
65. The two geologists lived only a stone's throw apart. 3.0 stars
66. When the Dalmatian ran away, he was spotted two blocks from home. 3.7 stars
67. The church choir robes were too long and needed to be hymned. 3.4 stars
68. Every November, Mark, a member of MENSA, wishes his peers 'Happy Thinksgiving!' 2.2 stars