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Listing puns for Kap'n Klystron



1. I try to avoid making nun jokes, but it's a farce of habit. 3.1 stars
2. Reverend Spooner, who spent his college days in poverty, was a flat broke frat bloke. 2.4 stars
3. Charged with lack of quality assurance, the polenta manufacturer pleaded no corntest. 2.4 stars
4. When I suggested that my wife should alphabetize her recipes, she would have nothing of the sort. 3.1 stars
5. Inferior dumplings are a sign of wonton neglect. 3.8 stars
6. When the trucker tried to salvage metal from batteries, he was overcome by D-cell fumes and threw up in the zinc. 2.2 stars
7. When orders for acetone, benzene and methanol plummeted, the chemical plant became insolvent. 3.7 stars
8. Is a seventeen-day-old infertile duck egg an absentee balut? 1.8 stars
9. The high cost of living has beaten many centsless. 3.3 stars
10. Veterinarians treat all animals except ducks - that would be quack medicine. 2.8 stars
11. Am I my brother's informant? I fink not! 2.4 stars
12. The hen passed her legacy to an egg that was heir today, gone tamago. 2.0 stars
13. A good meteor shower can really rock your world. 3.8 stars
14. Doctor Otto Focus represented the very squintessence of bad optometry. 2.2 stars
15. Rather than be fired from the borscht factory, I beet them to the punch by telling them to take their job and schav it. 2.9 stars
16. Vikings were expert mariners - you can lead a Norse to water, but you can't make him sink. 3.7 stars
17. Some overreaching fungi lichen themselves to algae. 2.4 stars
18. I have trouble digesting chick peas - whenever I eat hummus, I falafel. 2.5 stars
19. The petroleum industry is exploiting shale to extract fuel or a reasonable fracksimile. 2.3 stars
20. The hamburgers had so little beef that even a microscopic tektite would be a little meteor. 2.2 stars
21. If you pay the ferryman before you get to the other side, don't be surprised if he Styx it to you. 2.7 stars
22. Last year's bonfire permit has ex-pyred. 2.6 stars
23. For years, the fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears - he now eats everything with sorghums. 2.8 stars
24. Where do baby spoons come from? The spork delivers them. 3.4 stars
25. The hunter stir-fried his game because he liked to wok on the wild side. 3.8 stars
26. Cotton farming is a classic struggle of goods versus weevils. 3.6 stars
27. Lack of ram may preclude rack of lamb. 2.7 stars
28. Instead of being rewarded for his invention, Dr. Guillotine was charged with neckless endangerment. 3.6 stars
29. Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose. 4.0 stars
30. Philosophers are slaves to ponderlust. 2.0 stars
31. Trichinosis offers eaters of raw pork two choices: cease and desist, or cyst and decease. 2.7 stars
32. To expectorate is bad grammar, because it is a spit infinitive. 2.0 stars
33. The forensic psychologist was irritable because judges and juries tried his patients. 3.2 stars
34. Due to Earth's strong gravitational field, the cost of attaining escape velocity is exorbitant. 2.5 stars
35. When the homeless burrowing rodent found a nice golf course, he decided to gopher it. 3.0 stars
36. Don't waste kindness on a rotary engine - they never reciprocate. 2.5 stars
37. Library rules regarding personal hygiene are a matter of lore and odor. 1.8 stars
38. When the church bought gas for their annual barbecue, proceeds went from the sacred to the propane. 2.5 stars
39. When two glow-worms met in the dark, it was larva at first sight. 3.0 stars
40. The inept telegrapher was a weapon of Morse destruction. 2.7 stars
41. With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural. 2.6 stars
42. Using fish for currency can achieve an economy of scale. 2.8 stars
43. The use of drones to deliver magazines will certainly raise some issues. 3.8 stars
44. The new robotic cuspidor, despite its speed and efficiency, failed to meet my expectorations. 2.2 stars
45. Pocket bread stuffed with pocket bread makes a pitaful excuse for a sandwich. 2.7 stars
46. During the late baroque era, rococo composers began to think outside the Bachs. 3.7 stars
47. The poor speller tried to express his reluctance to repeat sixth grade, but words failed him. 3.3 stars
48. After a few beers on the plane, Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder. 2.8 stars
49. The Rodent Club finished drafting their constitution, but it has yet to be ratified. 3.8 stars
50. When it comes to nourishment, a boa's best friend is his smother. 3.3 stars
51. Despite pressure to clean up their act, most dirtbags live in a vacuum. 3.7 stars
52. I need Gestalt reasoning like I need a whole in the head. 2.6 stars
53. Sponges are easy prey for divers, lacking poriferal vision. 2.8 stars
54. The lazy musician was told to shake allegro or make himself scherzo. 2.9 stars
55. The President of the Ennui Club was chairman of the bored. 3.5 stars
56. When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker. 3.2 stars
57. With copper unavailable, continued operation of the mint would make no cents. 3.7 stars
58. As the carburettor chuckled to the air filter, 'I guess the choke's on me!' 3.3 stars
59. Neuter your dog - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of curs. 2.9 stars
60. Mammals rarely marry monotremes, echidna ewe knot. 2.2 stars
61. No yelling on weekdays if you eat my dessert, but I scream Sunday. 2.5 stars
62. Luridly sailing by the clock on a sea of mucus is a phlegmbuoyant pastime. 2.2 stars
63. When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com. 3.4 stars
64. I used to enjoy steak and cheese with my eggs, but it's all ova now. 3.2 stars
65. The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her. 3.5 stars
66. Primate grandmothers look stylish in a baboonshka. 2.5 stars
67. Astral projection to church is mass tranceportation. 2.7 stars
68. The seaside Chinese buffet with free wi-fi was named The Baudwok. 2.7 stars
69. The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast. 3.3 stars
70. Superconductive materials should be properly stored in an ohmless shelter. 3.3 stars
71. Capon is the main ingredient of chicken castratori. 2.6 stars
72. Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati. 3.3 stars
73. When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, he needed more proof. 3.2 stars
74. The Vatican's supplier of duck eggs is elected by sacred balut. 2.6 stars
75. The futile search for magnetite became a wild gauss chase. 2.8 stars
76. The inept psychic attempted clairvoyance but just couldn't get intuit. 3.4 stars
77. The winter drive-by shooting was a slay ride. 3.1 stars
78. When the goat ate a Scrabble set, the letters came out in alphabetical ordure. 3.1 stars
79. When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve. 4.0 stars
80. The ancient Romans only gathered once a week, because that was enough forum. 3.8 stars
81. At breakfast, the hacker downloaded cornflakes via his cereal port. 3.1 stars
82. Even on Easter Island, most folks would rather croon an oldie than Rapa Nui. 2.9 stars
83. He, who survives embalming, truly has esprit de corpse. 3.1 stars
84. Hogs are taken to slaughter by the hearsemen of the aporkalypse. 2.8 stars
85. To disparage the wind is disgusting. 3.0 stars
86. The circus strongman had a brief affair with the contortionist, but she broke it off. 2.8 stars
87. Due to censorship, prison messages are often taken out of context. 2.9 stars
88. Qwertyus, god of keyboards, is a character from geek mythology. 3.4 stars
89. Lacking proper instruments, the surgeon had to resect a bowel using plumber's tools - it was a gut-wrenching experience. 3.5 stars
90. In exorcism literature, possession is nine-tenths of the lore. 3.2 stars
91. Though humble in secular matters, the minister had an altar ego. 3.6 stars
92. Music of the seventies spawned many new record labels, mostly now defunked. 2.7 stars
93. The crumpled SUV gave evidence of its owner's finely-hooned driving skills. 1.8 stars
94. The entomologist's wardrobe was really fly, but her friend the physicist always had something tachyon. 2.8 stars
95. Realtors guilty of steering deserve the rack, but that's just my pinion. 2.3 stars
96. Termites in the orchestra pit can lead to digestive harp failure. 3.1 stars
97. Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder. 3.8 stars
98. After carelessly plucking her eyelashes while shopping for a corsage, Rose couldn't see the florist because of the tweeze. 2.9 stars
99. The Keystone Kops were frequently criticized for excessive use of farce. 3.5 stars
100. The surgeon failed to repair his own ruptured pericardium because his heart just wasn't in it. 3.1 stars
101. Navy regulations prohibit underwater promotion to the ministry, doing so would constitute insubordination. 2.8 stars
102. When the diva's vacuum cleaner broke, she refused to use a broom because it just wouldn't be Hoover. 2.8 stars
103. The baby peas were fresh and sweet, but their fava was a has-bean. 2.3 stars
104. When the inept actor tried to steal a farmer's omelet with greens, the ham was collard in short order. 2.4 stars
105. When they claimed to house two thousand campers, it sounded like a lot of bunk. 3.4 stars
106. The chef who tried to bribe a judge with polenta was held in corntempt. 2.2 stars
107. Chardonnay may not be champagne, but it's still wine. 2.2 stars
108. To noble steeds with horse sense and stable thinking, hippocracy is not hypocrisy. 2.6 stars
109. Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed. 3.9 stars
110. He choked on his all-day sucker and would have fallen off the carousel, but the security guard caught him lollygagging around. 2.8 stars
111. Tubal ligation can get knotty, but lobotomy is a no-brainer. 3.3 stars
112. If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize. 3.7 stars
113. If you think guests really enjoy your home movies, you are probably projecting. 3.2 stars
114. The world champion of purposeful kibitzing is a goaled meddlist. 2.9 stars
115. Bell, Bark and Kennel, a novel by Ivan Pavlov, chronicles the birth of the Salivation Army. 3.2 stars
116. I took the strange skeleton to be that of a feral onager, but it was only a wild ass guess. 2.6 stars
117. The inept nerd married a nuclear software engineer who made great fission chips, she was his bride and booter. 2.6 stars
118. He dined with her at the local beanery and was immediately inflatuated. 3.5 stars
119. Ever since the mayor's ban on flammable liquids, fewer arsonists have benzene around town. 3.4 stars
120. After the trout left school, he hoped to be a steelhead in a floundry. 2.7 stars
121. Simultaneous management of elephants and walruses requires the ability to multitusk. 3.5 stars
122. Hilarious signs that stick to refrigerators can disrupt gravity with magnetic lines of farce. 2.2 stars
123. A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia. 3.5 stars
124. The cost of a galvanized hull is enough to zinc a ship. 3.2 stars
125. The chaplain got his gown from the army surplice depot. 2.7 stars
126. A flat-rate poetry tax would be a perverse form of greed. 2.9 stars
127. A poetic hack anapest iamb, but it could be verse. 2.7 stars
128. Being a petrol-deprived thug is a tankless yob. 2.4 stars
129. The Chinese pizzeria murder mystery genre is a novel dough mein. 2.5 stars
130. The predatory prawn shop skinned many an octopus alive and put a lot of suckers on squid roe. 2.6 stars
131. The Lautrec miniature slipped from its frame because it was a little Toulouse. 3.4 stars
132. The bargain store promised a free abacus with every purchase, but I wouldn't count on it. 3.5 stars
133. If ionized fertilizer is delivered after business hours, the nitrate will be charged. 3.5 stars
134. The short-order crook poached his eggs, shaved his chocolate, welched on his rabbits, and even his pastry was stollen. 2.8 stars
135. Underwater ophthalmology lens itself to more aqueous humor and cornea puns. 3.2 stars
136. A stewed chef sat pie-eyed as the crusty judge took his caraway, a punnish mint a long thyme cumin. 3.1 stars
137. Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling. 3.7 stars
138. A crazed insect discovered in the organic garden of a convent was found nun compost mantis. 2.2 stars
139. Petra the Muscovite was gneiss to a fault but stony when taken for granite. 3.1 stars
140. I can't tell you where to buy soy sauce tonight, but I can shoyu tamari. 3.2 stars
141. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? 4.0 stars
142. The overweight fighter pilot was grounded for violating the rules of engorgement. 3.0 stars
143. Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal. 3.2 stars
144. Ancient vessels lacked stability because there were no rudders in the days of yaw. 2.4 stars
145. Everyone got plastered for the Beethoven rehearsal. It was the bottom of the Ninth, chorus tight, basses loaded. 3.1 stars
146. NASA accepted the wildebeest's application, and around our planet a brave gnu whirled. 3.4 stars
147. The divorced couple hurled Angostura and Boston cream pie at each other - it was a bitter, custardy dispute. 2.4 stars