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Listing puns for Kap'n Klystron



1. The retired weaver liked to watch Star Trek and Lassie re-runs, dividing his leisure time between the warp and the woof. 2.2 stars
2. A mathematician once found a proof so shocking that it almost gave him a corollary. 3.1 stars
3. I promised my wife I'd remember to bring her a frappucino, but affogato. 3.0 stars
4. The mad scientist's faith in the future of autonomous cyber-canines was dogmatic. 3.1 stars
5. The often-looted grocery accepted no credit cards because their business was mainly smash-and-carry. 2.6 stars
6. Handing in his term paper on water bears a day late got Bruno a tardy grade. 1.5 stars
7. Turkeys cannot speak, so they usually take their secrets to the gravy. 3.1 stars
8. Ordering your fish un-filleted is the best way to be assured of bony fried red snapper. 2.4 stars
9. Becoming thirsty at exercise class, Reverend Spooner drank chai tea during tai chi. 2.7 stars
10. If all is love, will everything end in the Apuckerlips? 2.0 stars
11. When Reverend Spooner tried to cut his lawn without glasses, it was a mind-blowing case of blind mowing. 2.0 stars
12. When ferns cohabitate, are they fronds with benefits? 2.4 stars
13. Is photography of internal organs the wave of the future, or just a flash in the pancreas? 2.2 stars
14. Years of arching ones back over a keyboard can lead to scrolliosis. 3.3 stars
15. Encounters between clumsy humans and killer whales tend to be orcward. 2.4 stars
16. When a new cat arrives, the news spreads quickly via word of mouse. 3.2 stars
17. The chef who tried to make Italian chipotle was busted for smoking marinara. 1.8 stars
18. I try to avoid making nun jokes, but it's a farce of habit. 3.2 stars
19. Reverend Spooner, who spent his college days in poverty, was a flat broke frat bloke. 2.4 stars
20. Charged with lack of quality assurance, the polenta manufacturer pleaded no corntest. 2.4 stars
21. When I suggested that my wife should alphabetize her recipes, she would have nothing of the sort. 3.1 stars
22. Inferior dumplings are a sign of wonton neglect. 3.8 stars
23. When the trucker tried to salvage metal from batteries, he was overcome by D-cell fumes and threw up in the zinc. 2.2 stars
24. When orders for acetone, benzene and methanol plummeted, the chemical plant became insolvent. 3.7 stars
25. Is a seventeen-day-old infertile duck egg an absentee balut? 1.8 stars
26. The high cost of living has beaten many centsless. 3.3 stars
27. Veterinarians treat all animals except ducks - that would be quack medicine. 2.8 stars
28. Am I my brother's informant? I fink not! 2.4 stars
29. The hen passed her legacy to an egg that was heir today, gone tamago. 2.0 stars
30. A good meteor shower can really rock your world. 3.8 stars
31. Doctor Otto Focus represented the very squintessence of bad optometry. 2.3 stars
32. Rather than be fired from the borscht factory, I beet them to the punch by telling them to take their job and schav it. 2.9 stars
33. Vikings were expert mariners - you can lead a Norse to water, but you can't make him sink. 3.7 stars
34. Some overreaching fungi lichen themselves to algae. 2.4 stars
35. I have trouble digesting chick peas - whenever I eat hummus, I falafel. 2.5 stars
36. The petroleum industry is exploiting shale to extract fuel or a reasonable fracksimile. 2.3 stars
37. The hamburgers had so little beef that even a microscopic tektite would be a little meteor. 2.1 stars
38. If you pay the ferryman before you get to the other side, don't be surprised if he Styx it to you. 2.7 stars
39. Last year's bonfire permit has ex-pyred. 2.6 stars
40. For years, the fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears - he now eats everything with sorghums. 2.8 stars
41. Where do baby spoons come from? The spork delivers them. 3.4 stars
42. The hunter stir-fried his game because he liked to wok on the wild side. 3.8 stars
43. Cotton farming is a classic struggle of goods versus weevils. 3.6 stars
44. Lack of ram may preclude rack of lamb. 2.7 stars
45. Instead of being rewarded for his invention, Dr. Guillotine was charged with neckless endangerment. 3.6 stars
46. Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose. 4.0 stars
47. Philosophers are slaves to ponderlust. 2.0 stars
48. Trichinosis offers eaters of raw pork two choices: cease and desist, or cyst and decease. 2.7 stars
49. To expectorate is bad grammar, because it is a spit infinitive. 2.0 stars
50. The forensic psychologist was irritable because judges and juries tried his patients. 3.2 stars
51. Due to Earth's strong gravitational field, the cost of attaining escape velocity is exorbitant. 2.5 stars
52. When the homeless burrowing rodent found a nice golf course, he decided to gopher it. 3.0 stars
53. Don't waste kindness on a rotary engine - they never reciprocate. 2.5 stars
54. Library rules regarding personal hygiene are a matter of lore and odor. 1.8 stars
55. When the church bought gas for their annual barbecue, proceeds went from the sacred to the propane. 2.5 stars
56. When two glow-worms met in the dark, it was larva at first sight. 3.0 stars
57. The inept telegrapher was a weapon of Morse destruction. 2.7 stars
58. With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural. 2.6 stars
59. Using fish for currency can achieve an economy of scale. 2.8 stars
60. The use of drones to deliver magazines will certainly raise some issues. 3.7 stars
61. The new robotic cuspidor, despite its speed and efficiency, failed to meet my expectorations. 2.2 stars
62. Pocket bread stuffed with pocket bread makes a pitaful excuse for a sandwich. 2.7 stars
63. During the late baroque era, rococo composers began to think outside the Bachs. 3.7 stars
64. The poor speller tried to express his reluctance to repeat sixth grade, but words failed him. 3.3 stars
65. After a few beers on the plane, Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder. 2.8 stars
66. The Rodent Club finished drafting their constitution, but it has yet to be ratified. 3.8 stars
67. When it comes to nourishment, a boa's best friend is his smother. 3.3 stars
68. Despite pressure to clean up their act, most dirtbags live in a vacuum. 3.7 stars
69. I need Gestalt reasoning like I need a whole in the head. 2.6 stars
70. Sponges are easy prey for divers, lacking poriferal vision. 2.8 stars
71. The lazy musician was told to shake allegro or make himself scherzo. 2.9 stars
72. The President of the Ennui Club was chairman of the bored. 3.5 stars
73. When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker. 3.2 stars
74. With copper unavailable, continued operation of the mint would make no cents. 3.7 stars
75. As the carburettor chuckled to the air filter, 'I guess the choke's on me!' 3.3 stars
76. Neuter your dog - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of curs. 2.9 stars
77. Mammals rarely marry monotremes, echidna ewe knot. 2.2 stars
78. No yelling on weekdays if you eat my dessert, but I scream Sunday. 2.5 stars
79. Luridly sailing by the clock on a sea of mucus is a phlegmbuoyant pastime. 2.2 stars
80. When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com. 3.4 stars
81. I used to enjoy steak and cheese with my eggs, but it's all ova now. 3.2 stars
82. The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her. 3.4 stars
83. Primate grandmothers look stylish in a baboonshka. 2.5 stars
84. Astral projection to church is mass tranceportation. 2.7 stars
85. The seaside Chinese buffet with free wi-fi was named The Baudwok. 2.7 stars
86. The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast. 3.3 stars
87. Superconductive materials should be properly stored in an ohmless shelter. 3.3 stars
88. Capon is the main ingredient of chicken castratori. 2.5 stars
89. Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati. 3.3 stars
90. When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, he needed more proof. 3.2 stars
91. The Vatican's supplier of duck eggs is elected by sacred balut. 2.6 stars
92. The futile search for magnetite became a wild gauss chase. 2.8 stars
93. The inept psychic attempted clairvoyance but just couldn't get intuit. 3.4 stars
94. The winter drive-by shooting was a slay ride. 3.1 stars
95. When the goat ate a Scrabble set, the letters came out in alphabetical ordure. 3.1 stars
96. When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve. 4.0 stars
97. The ancient Romans only gathered once a week, because that was enough forum. 3.8 stars
98. At breakfast, the hacker downloaded cornflakes via his cereal port. 3.1 stars
99. Even on Easter Island, most folks would rather croon an oldie than Rapa Nui. 2.9 stars
100. He, who survives embalming, truly has esprit de corpse. 3.1 stars
101. Hogs are taken to slaughter by the hearsemen of the aporkalypse. 2.8 stars
102. To disparage the wind is disgusting. 3.0 stars
103. The circus strongman had a brief affair with the contortionist, but she broke it off. 2.8 stars
104. Due to censorship, prison messages are often taken out of context. 2.9 stars
105. Qwertyus, god of keyboards, is a character from geek mythology. 3.4 stars
106. Lacking proper instruments, the surgeon had to resect a bowel using plumber's tools - it was a gut-wrenching experience. 3.5 stars
107. In exorcism literature, possession is nine-tenths of the lore. 3.2 stars
108. Though humble in secular matters, the minister had an altar ego. 3.6 stars
109. Music of the seventies spawned many new record labels, mostly now defunked. 2.7 stars
110. The crumpled SUV gave evidence of its owner's finely-hooned driving skills. 1.8 stars
111. The entomologist's wardrobe was really fly, but her friend the physicist always had something tachyon. 2.8 stars
112. Realtors guilty of steering deserve the rack, but that's just my pinion. 2.3 stars
113. Termites in the orchestra pit can lead to digestive harp failure. 3.1 stars
114. Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder. 3.8 stars
115. After carelessly plucking her eyelashes while shopping for a corsage, Rose couldn't see the florist because of the tweeze. 2.9 stars
116. The Keystone Kops were frequently criticized for excessive use of farce. 3.5 stars
117. The surgeon failed to repair his own ruptured pericardium because his heart just wasn't in it. 3.1 stars
118. Navy regulations prohibit underwater promotion to the ministry, doing so would constitute insubordination. 2.8 stars
119. When the diva's vacuum cleaner broke, she refused to use a broom because it just wouldn't be Hoover. 2.8 stars
120. The baby peas were fresh and sweet, but their fava was a has-bean. 2.3 stars
121. When the inept actor tried to steal a farmer's omelet with greens, the ham was collard in short order. 2.4 stars
122. When they claimed to house two thousand campers, it sounded like a lot of bunk. 3.4 stars
123. The chef who tried to bribe a judge with polenta was held in corntempt. 2.2 stars
124. Chardonnay may not be champagne, but it's still wine. 2.2 stars
125. To noble steeds with horse sense and stable thinking, hippocracy is not hypocrisy. 2.6 stars
126. Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed. 3.9 stars
127. He choked on his all-day sucker and would have fallen off the carousel, but the security guard caught him lollygagging around. 2.8 stars
128. Tubal ligation can get knotty, but lobotomy is a no-brainer. 3.3 stars
129. If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize. 3.7 stars
130. If you think guests really enjoy your home movies, you are probably projecting. 3.2 stars
131. The world champion of purposeful kibitzing is a goaled meddlist. 2.9 stars
132. Bell, Bark and Kennel, a novel by Ivan Pavlov, chronicles the birth of the Salivation Army. 3.2 stars
133. I took the strange skeleton to be that of a feral onager, but it was only a wild ass guess. 2.6 stars
134. The inept nerd married a nuclear software engineer who made great fission chips, she was his bride and booter. 2.6 stars
135. He dined with her at the local beanery and was immediately inflatuated. 3.5 stars
136. Ever since the mayor's ban on flammable liquids, fewer arsonists have benzene around town. 3.4 stars
137. After the trout left school, he hoped to be a steelhead in a floundry. 2.7 stars
138. Simultaneous management of elephants and walruses requires the ability to multitusk. 3.5 stars
139. Hilarious signs that stick to refrigerators can disrupt gravity with magnetic lines of farce. 2.2 stars
140. A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia. 3.5 stars
141. The cost of a galvanized hull is enough to zinc a ship. 3.2 stars
142. The chaplain got his gown from the army surplice depot. 2.7 stars
143. A flat-rate poetry tax would be a perverse form of greed. 2.9 stars
144. A poetic hack anapest iamb, but it could be verse. 2.7 stars
145. Being a petrol-deprived thug is a tankless yob. 2.4 stars
146. The Chinese pizzeria murder mystery genre is a novel dough mein. 2.5 stars
147. The predatory prawn shop skinned many an octopus alive and put a lot of suckers on squid roe. 2.6 stars
148. The Lautrec miniature slipped from its frame because it was a little Toulouse. 3.4 stars
149. The bargain store promised a free abacus with every purchase, but I wouldn't count on it. 3.5 stars
150. If ionized fertilizer is delivered after business hours, the nitrate will be charged. 3.5 stars
151. The short-order crook poached his eggs, shaved his chocolate, welched on his rabbits, and even his pastry was stollen. 2.8 stars
152. Underwater ophthalmology lens itself to more aqueous humor and cornea puns. 3.2 stars
153. A stewed chef sat pie-eyed as the crusty judge took his caraway, a punnish mint a long thyme cumin. 3.1 stars
154. Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling. 3.7 stars
155. A crazed insect discovered in the organic garden of a convent was found nun compost mantis. 2.2 stars
156. Petra the Muscovite was gneiss to a fault but stony when taken for granite. 3.1 stars
157. I can't tell you where to buy soy sauce tonight, but I can shoyu tamari. 3.2 stars
158. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? 4.0 stars
159. The overweight fighter pilot was grounded for violating the rules of engorgement. 3.0 stars
160. Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal. 3.2 stars
161. Ancient vessels lacked stability because there were no rudders in the days of yaw. 2.4 stars
162. Everyone got plastered for the Beethoven rehearsal. It was the bottom of the Ninth, chorus tight, basses loaded. 3.1 stars
163. NASA accepted the wildebeest's application, and around our planet a brave gnu whirled. 3.4 stars
164. The divorced couple hurled Angostura and Boston cream pie at each other - it was a bitter, custardy dispute. 2.4 stars