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Listing puns for Kap'n Klystron



1. Is trading a cephalopod for a corvine avian considered squid pro crow? 3.0 stars
2. Is it unlucky to drink on Friday the thirteenth, or is it merely stuporstition? 2.7 stars
3. Long after a barrage of eggs is ova, smashed pumpkins remain gourd offal. 2.6 stars
4. Asked to repair a shorted radio from the dumpster, the electrician refused to refuse refuse. 3.4 stars
5. Scientists have failed to get pandas to eat synthetic food, because they are hard to bamboozle. 3.9 stars
6. Some students pore over their lessons, while others just give them a preflunktory glance. 2.9 stars
7. Every day, the feuding codebreakers had cryptic cross words. 2.8 stars
8. Only a nickel for an embroidered pinwheel? Good buy, crewel whirled! 3.0 stars
9. The retired weaver liked to watch Star Trek and Lassie re-runs, dividing his leisure time between the warp and the woof. 2.2 stars
10. A mathematician once found a proof so shocking that it almost gave him a corollary. 3.0 stars
11. I promised my wife I'd remember to bring her a frappucino, but affogato. 3.0 stars
12. The mad scientist's faith in the future of autonomous cyber-canines was dogmatic. 3.1 stars
13. The often-looted grocery accepted no credit cards because their business was mainly smash-and-carry. 2.6 stars
14. Handing in his term paper on water bears a day late got Bruno a tardy grade. 1.5 stars
15. Turkeys cannot speak, so they usually take their secrets to the gravy. 3.1 stars
16. Ordering your fish un-filleted is the best way to be assured of bony fried red snapper. 2.4 stars
17. Becoming thirsty at exercise class, Reverend Spooner drank chai tea during tai chi. 2.7 stars
18. If all is love, will everything end in the Apuckerlips? 2.0 stars
19. When Reverend Spooner tried to cut his lawn without glasses, it was a mind-blowing case of blind mowing. 2.0 stars
20. When ferns cohabitate, are they fronds with benefits? 2.4 stars
21. Is photography of internal organs the wave of the future, or just a flash in the pancreas? 2.1 stars
22. Years of arching ones back over a keyboard can lead to scrolliosis. 3.3 stars
23. Encounters between clumsy humans and killer whales tend to be orcward. 2.4 stars
24. When a new cat arrives, the news spreads quickly via word of mouse. 3.2 stars
25. The chef who tried to make Italian chipotle was busted for smoking marinara. 1.8 stars
26. I try to avoid making nun jokes, but it's a farce of habit. 3.2 stars
27. Reverend Spooner, who spent his college days in poverty, was a flat broke frat bloke. 2.4 stars
28. Charged with lack of quality assurance, the polenta manufacturer pleaded no corntest. 2.4 stars
29. When I suggested that my wife should alphabetize her recipes, she would have nothing of the sort. 3.1 stars
30. Inferior dumplings are a sign of wonton neglect. 3.8 stars
31. When the trucker tried to salvage metal from batteries, he was overcome by D-cell fumes and threw up in the zinc. 2.2 stars
32. When orders for acetone, benzene and methanol plummeted, the chemical plant became insolvent. 3.6 stars
33. Is a seventeen-day-old infertile duck egg an absentee balut? 1.8 stars
34. The high cost of living has beaten many centsless. 3.3 stars
35. Veterinarians treat all animals except ducks - that would be quack medicine. 2.8 stars
36. Am I my brother's informant? I fink not! 2.4 stars
37. The hen passed her legacy to an egg that was heir today, gone tamago. 2.0 stars
38. A good meteor shower can really rock your world. 3.8 stars
39. Doctor Otto Focus represented the very squintessence of bad optometry. 2.3 stars
40. Rather than be fired from the borscht factory, I beet them to the punch by telling them to take their job and schav it. 2.9 stars
41. Vikings were expert mariners - you can lead a Norse to water, but you can't make him sink. 3.7 stars
42. Some overreaching fungi lichen themselves to algae. 2.4 stars
43. I have trouble digesting chick peas - whenever I eat hummus, I falafel. 2.5 stars
44. The petroleum industry is exploiting shale to extract fuel or a reasonable fracksimile. 2.3 stars
45. The hamburgers had so little beef that even a microscopic tektite would be a little meteor. 2.1 stars
46. If you pay the ferryman before you get to the other side, don't be surprised if he Styx it to you. 2.7 stars
47. Last year's bonfire permit has ex-pyred. 2.6 stars
48. For years, the fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears - he now eats everything with sorghums. 2.8 stars
49. Where do baby spoons come from? The spork delivers them. 3.4 stars
50. The hunter stir-fried his game because he liked to wok on the wild side. 3.8 stars
51. Cotton farming is a classic struggle of goods versus weevils. 3.6 stars
52. Lack of ram may preclude rack of lamb. 2.7 stars
53. Instead of being rewarded for his invention, Dr. Guillotine was charged with neckless endangerment. 3.6 stars
54. Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose. 4.0 stars
55. Philosophers are slaves to ponderlust. 2.0 stars
56. Trichinosis offers eaters of raw pork two choices: cease and desist, or cyst and decease. 2.7 stars
57. To expectorate is bad grammar, because it is a spit infinitive. 2.0 stars
58. The forensic psychologist was irritable because judges and juries tried his patients. 3.2 stars
59. Due to Earth's strong gravitational field, the cost of attaining escape velocity is exorbitant. 2.5 stars
60. When the homeless burrowing rodent found a nice golf course, he decided to gopher it. 3.0 stars
61. Don't waste kindness on a rotary engine - they never reciprocate. 2.5 stars
62. Library rules regarding personal hygiene are a matter of lore and odor. 1.8 stars
63. When the church bought gas for their annual barbecue, proceeds went from the sacred to the propane. 2.5 stars
64. When two glow-worms met in the dark, it was larva at first sight. 3.0 stars
65. The inept telegrapher was a weapon of Morse destruction. 2.7 stars
66. With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural. 2.6 stars
67. Using fish for currency can achieve an economy of scale. 2.8 stars
68. The use of drones to deliver magazines will certainly raise some issues. 3.7 stars
69. The new robotic cuspidor, despite its speed and efficiency, failed to meet my expectorations. 2.2 stars
70. Pocket bread stuffed with pocket bread makes a pitaful excuse for a sandwich. 2.7 stars
71. During the late baroque era, rococo composers began to think outside the Bachs. 3.7 stars
72. The poor speller tried to express his reluctance to repeat sixth grade, but words failed him. 3.3 stars
73. After a few beers on the plane, Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder. 2.8 stars
74. The Rodent Club finished drafting their constitution, but it has yet to be ratified. 3.8 stars
75. When it comes to nourishment, a boa's best friend is his smother. 3.3 stars
76. Despite pressure to clean up their act, most dirtbags live in a vacuum. 3.7 stars
77. I need Gestalt reasoning like I need a whole in the head. 2.6 stars
78. Sponges are easy prey for divers, lacking poriferal vision. 2.8 stars
79. The lazy musician was told to shake allegro or make himself scherzo. 2.9 stars
80. The President of the Ennui Club was chairman of the bored. 3.5 stars
81. When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker. 3.2 stars
82. With copper unavailable, continued operation of the mint would make no cents. 3.7 stars
83. As the carburettor chuckled to the air filter, 'I guess the choke's on me!' 3.3 stars
84. Neuter your dog - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of curs. 2.9 stars
85. Mammals rarely marry monotremes, echidna ewe knot. 2.2 stars
86. No yelling on weekdays if you eat my dessert, but I scream Sunday. 2.5 stars
87. Luridly sailing by the clock on a sea of mucus is a phlegmbuoyant pastime. 2.2 stars
88. When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com. 3.4 stars
89. I used to enjoy steak and cheese with my eggs, but it's all ova now. 3.2 stars
90. The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her. 3.4 stars
91. Primate grandmothers look stylish in a baboonshka. 2.5 stars
92. Astral projection to church is mass tranceportation. 2.7 stars
93. The seaside Chinese buffet with free wi-fi was named The Baudwok. 2.7 stars
94. The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast. 3.3 stars
95. Superconductive materials should be properly stored in an ohmless shelter. 3.3 stars
96. Capon is the main ingredient of chicken castratori. 2.5 stars
97. Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati. 3.3 stars
98. When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, he needed more proof. 3.2 stars
99. The Vatican's supplier of duck eggs is elected by sacred balut. 2.6 stars
100. The futile search for magnetite became a wild gauss chase. 2.8 stars
101. The inept psychic attempted clairvoyance but just couldn't get intuit. 3.4 stars
102. The winter drive-by shooting was a slay ride. 3.1 stars
103. When the goat ate a Scrabble set, the letters came out in alphabetical ordure. 3.1 stars
104. When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve. 4.0 stars
105. The ancient Romans only gathered once a week, because that was enough forum. 3.8 stars
106. At breakfast, the hacker downloaded cornflakes via his cereal port. 3.1 stars
107. Even on Easter Island, most folks would rather croon an oldie than Rapa Nui. 2.9 stars
108. He, who survives embalming, truly has esprit de corpse. 3.1 stars
109. Hogs are taken to slaughter by the hearsemen of the aporkalypse. 2.8 stars
110. To disparage the wind is disgusting. 3.0 stars
111. The circus strongman had a brief affair with the contortionist, but she broke it off. 2.8 stars
112. Due to censorship, prison messages are often taken out of context. 2.9 stars
113. Qwertyus, god of keyboards, is a character from geek mythology. 3.4 stars
114. Lacking proper instruments, the surgeon had to resect a bowel using plumber's tools - it was a gut-wrenching experience. 3.5 stars
115. In exorcism literature, possession is nine-tenths of the lore. 3.2 stars
116. Though humble in secular matters, the minister had an altar ego. 3.6 stars
117. Music of the seventies spawned many new record labels, mostly now defunked. 2.7 stars
118. The crumpled SUV gave evidence of its owner's finely-hooned driving skills. 1.8 stars
119. The entomologist's wardrobe was really fly, but her friend the physicist always had something tachyon. 2.8 stars
120. Realtors guilty of steering deserve the rack, but that's just my pinion. 2.3 stars
121. Termites in the orchestra pit can lead to digestive harp failure. 3.1 stars
122. Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder. 3.8 stars
123. After carelessly plucking her eyelashes while shopping for a corsage, Rose couldn't see the florist because of the tweeze. 2.9 stars
124. The Keystone Kops were frequently criticized for excessive use of farce. 3.5 stars
125. The surgeon failed to repair his own ruptured pericardium because his heart just wasn't in it. 3.1 stars
126. Navy regulations prohibit underwater promotion to the ministry, doing so would constitute insubordination. 2.8 stars
127. When the diva's vacuum cleaner broke, she refused to use a broom because it just wouldn't be Hoover. 2.8 stars
128. The baby peas were fresh and sweet, but their fava was a has-bean. 2.3 stars
129. When the inept actor tried to steal a farmer's omelet with greens, the ham was collard in short order. 2.4 stars
130. When they claimed to house two thousand campers, it sounded like a lot of bunk. 3.4 stars
131. The chef who tried to bribe a judge with polenta was held in corntempt. 2.2 stars
132. Chardonnay may not be champagne, but it's still wine. 2.2 stars
133. To noble steeds with horse sense and stable thinking, hippocracy is not hypocrisy. 2.6 stars
134. Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed. 3.9 stars
135. He choked on his all-day sucker and would have fallen off the carousel, but the security guard caught him lollygagging around. 2.8 stars
136. Tubal ligation can get knotty, but lobotomy is a no-brainer. 3.3 stars
137. If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize. 3.7 stars
138. If you think guests really enjoy your home movies, you are probably projecting. 3.2 stars
139. The world champion of purposeful kibitzing is a goaled meddlist. 2.9 stars
140. Bell, Bark and Kennel, a novel by Ivan Pavlov, chronicles the birth of the Salivation Army. 3.2 stars
141. I took the strange skeleton to be that of a feral onager, but it was only a wild ass guess. 2.6 stars
142. The inept nerd married a nuclear software engineer who made great fission chips, she was his bride and booter. 2.6 stars
143. He dined with her at the local beanery and was immediately inflatuated. 3.5 stars
144. Ever since the mayor's ban on flammable liquids, fewer arsonists have benzene around town. 3.4 stars
145. After the trout left school, he hoped to be a steelhead in a floundry. 2.7 stars
146. Simultaneous management of elephants and walruses requires the ability to multitusk. 3.5 stars
147. Hilarious signs that stick to refrigerators can disrupt gravity with magnetic lines of farce. 2.2 stars
148. A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia. 3.5 stars
149. The cost of a galvanized hull is enough to zinc a ship. 3.2 stars
150. The chaplain got his gown from the army surplice depot. 2.7 stars
151. A flat-rate poetry tax would be a perverse form of greed. 2.9 stars
152. A poetic hack anapest iamb, but it could be verse. 2.7 stars
153. Being a petrol-deprived thug is a tankless yob. 2.4 stars
154. The Chinese pizzeria murder mystery genre is a novel dough mein. 2.5 stars
155. The predatory prawn shop skinned many an octopus alive and put a lot of suckers on squid roe. 2.6 stars
156. The Lautrec miniature slipped from its frame because it was a little Toulouse. 3.4 stars
157. The bargain store promised a free abacus with every purchase, but I wouldn't count on it. 3.5 stars
158. If ionized fertilizer is delivered after business hours, the nitrate will be charged. 3.5 stars
159. The short-order crook poached his eggs, shaved his chocolate, welched on his rabbits, and even his pastry was stollen. 2.8 stars
160. Underwater ophthalmology lens itself to more aqueous humor and cornea puns. 3.2 stars
161. A stewed chef sat pie-eyed as the crusty judge took his caraway, a punnish mint a long thyme cumin. 3.1 stars
162. Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling. 3.7 stars
163. A crazed insect discovered in the organic garden of a convent was found nun compost mantis. 2.2 stars
164. Petra the Muscovite was gneiss to a fault but stony when taken for granite. 3.1 stars
165. I can't tell you where to buy soy sauce tonight, but I can shoyu tamari. 3.2 stars
166. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? 4.0 stars
167. The overweight fighter pilot was grounded for violating the rules of engorgement. 3.0 stars
168. Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal. 3.2 stars
169. Ancient vessels lacked stability because there were no rudders in the days of yaw. 2.4 stars
170. Everyone got plastered for the Beethoven rehearsal. It was the bottom of the Ninth, chorus tight, basses loaded. 3.1 stars
171. NASA accepted the wildebeest's application, and around our planet a brave gnu whirled. 3.4 stars
172. The divorced couple hurled Angostura and Boston cream pie at each other - it was a bitter, custardy dispute. 2.4 stars