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Listing puns for Kap'n Klystron



1. Crows complain infrequently, and usually with just caws. 3.0 stars
2. If desperate times breed desperate wordplay, we need to prepare for a pundemic. 3.5 stars
3. Triglycerides now, defibrillater. 3.5 stars
4. When the off-duty copper fell into an electroplating bath, his mettle was galvanized by a sudden zincing feeling and he knew his mass was brass. 2.9 stars
5. Is trading a cephalopod for a corvine avian considered squid pro crow? 3.5 stars
6. Is it unlucky to drink on Friday the thirteenth, or is it merely stuporstition? 2.7 stars
7. Long after a barrage of eggs is ova, smashed pumpkins remain gourd offal. 2.6 stars
8. Asked to repair a shorted radio from the dumpster, the electrician refused to refuse refuse. 3.4 stars
9. Scientists have failed to get pandas to eat synthetic food, because they are hard to bamboozle. 3.9 stars
10. Some students pore over their lessons, while others just give them a preflunktory glance. 2.9 stars
11. Every day, the feuding codebreakers had cryptic cross words. 2.8 stars
12. Only a nickel for an embroidered pinwheel? Good buy, crewel whirled! 3.0 stars
13. The retired weaver liked to watch Star Trek and Lassie re-runs, dividing his leisure time between the warp and the woof. 2.2 stars
14. A mathematician once found a proof so shocking that it almost gave him a corollary. 3.0 stars
15. I promised my wife I'd remember to bring her a frappucino, but affogato. 3.0 stars
16. The mad scientist's faith in the future of autonomous cyber-canines was dogmatic. 3.1 stars
17. The often-looted grocery accepted no credit cards because their business was mainly smash-and-carry. 2.6 stars
18. Handing in his term paper on water bears a day late got Bruno a tardy grade. 1.5 stars
19. Turkeys cannot speak, so they usually take their secrets to the gravy. 3.1 stars
20. Ordering your fish un-filleted is the best way to be assured of bony fried red snapper. 2.4 stars
21. Becoming thirsty at exercise class, Reverend Spooner drank chai tea during tai chi. 2.7 stars
22. If all is love, will everything end in the Apuckerlips? 2.0 stars
23. When Reverend Spooner tried to cut his lawn without glasses, it was a mind-blowing case of blind mowing. 2.0 stars
24. When ferns cohabitate, are they fronds with benefits? 2.4 stars
25. Is photography of internal organs the wave of the future, or just a flash in the pancreas? 2.1 stars
26. Years of arching ones back over a keyboard can lead to scrolliosis. 3.4 stars
27. Encounters between clumsy humans and killer whales tend to be orcward. 2.4 stars
28. When a new cat arrives, the news spreads quickly via word of mouse. 3.3 stars
29. The chef who tried to make Italian chipotle was busted for smoking marinara. 1.8 stars
30. I try to avoid making nun jokes, but it's a farce of habit. 3.2 stars
31. Reverend Spooner, who spent his college days in poverty, was a flat broke frat bloke. 2.4 stars
32. Charged with lack of quality assurance, the polenta manufacturer pleaded no corntest. 2.4 stars
33. When I suggested that my wife should alphabetize her recipes, she would have nothing of the sort. 3.1 stars
34. Inferior dumplings are a sign of wonton neglect. 3.8 stars
35. When the trucker tried to salvage metal from batteries, he was overcome by D-cell fumes and threw up in the zinc. 2.2 stars
36. When orders for acetone, benzene and methanol plummeted, the chemical plant became insolvent. 3.6 stars
37. Is a seventeen-day-old infertile duck egg an absentee balut? 1.8 stars
38. The high cost of living has beaten many centsless. 3.3 stars
39. Veterinarians treat all animals except ducks - that would be quack medicine. 2.8 stars
40. Am I my brother's informant? I fink not! 2.4 stars
41. The hen passed her legacy to an egg that was heir today, gone tamago. 2.0 stars
42. A good meteor shower can really rock your world. 3.8 stars
43. Doctor Otto Focus represented the very squintessence of bad optometry. 2.3 stars
44. Rather than be fired from the borscht factory, I beet them to the punch by telling them to take their job and schav it. 2.9 stars
45. Vikings were expert mariners - you can lead a Norse to water, but you can't make him sink. 3.7 stars
46. Some overreaching fungi lichen themselves to algae. 2.4 stars
47. I have trouble digesting chick peas - whenever I eat hummus, I falafel. 2.5 stars
48. The petroleum industry is exploiting shale to extract fuel or a reasonable fracksimile. 2.3 stars
49. The hamburgers had so little beef that even a microscopic tektite would be a little meteor. 2.1 stars
50. If you pay the ferryman before you get to the other side, don't be surprised if he Styx it to you. 2.7 stars
51. Last year's bonfire permit has ex-pyred. 2.6 stars
52. For years, the fad dieter ate everything with prickly pears - he now eats everything with sorghums. 2.8 stars
53. Where do baby spoons come from? The spork delivers them. 3.4 stars
54. The hunter stir-fried his game because he liked to wok on the wild side. 3.8 stars
55. Cotton farming is a classic struggle of goods versus weevils. 3.6 stars
56. Lack of ram may preclude rack of lamb. 2.7 stars
57. Instead of being rewarded for his invention, Dr. Guillotine was charged with neckless endangerment. 3.6 stars
58. Is old rope good enough for a hanging? Frayed knot. That stuff is bad noose. 4.0 stars
59. Philosophers are slaves to ponderlust. 2.0 stars
60. Trichinosis offers eaters of raw pork two choices: cease and desist, or cyst and decease. 2.7 stars
61. To expectorate is bad grammar, because it is a spit infinitive. 2.0 stars
62. The forensic psychologist was irritable because judges and juries tried his patients. 3.2 stars
63. Due to Earth's strong gravitational field, the cost of attaining escape velocity is exorbitant. 2.5 stars
64. When the homeless burrowing rodent found a nice golf course, he decided to gopher it. 3.0 stars
65. Don't waste kindness on a rotary engine - they never reciprocate. 2.5 stars
66. Library rules regarding personal hygiene are a matter of lore and odor. 1.8 stars
67. When the church bought gas for their annual barbecue, proceeds went from the sacred to the propane. 2.5 stars
68. When two glow-worms met in the dark, it was larva at first sight. 3.0 stars
69. The inept telegrapher was a weapon of Morse destruction. 2.7 stars
70. With organic whiskey, one may attain the stupornatural. 2.6 stars
71. Using fish for currency can achieve an economy of scale. 2.8 stars
72. The use of drones to deliver magazines will certainly raise some issues. 3.7 stars
73. The new robotic cuspidor, despite its speed and efficiency, failed to meet my expectorations. 2.2 stars
74. Pocket bread stuffed with pocket bread makes a pitaful excuse for a sandwich. 2.7 stars
75. During the late baroque era, rococo composers began to think outside the Bachs. 3.7 stars
76. The poor speller tried to express his reluctance to repeat sixth grade, but words failed him. 3.3 stars
77. After a few beers on the plane, Charlie was flying high into the wild brew yonder. 2.8 stars
78. The Rodent Club finished drafting their constitution, but it has yet to be ratified. 3.8 stars
79. When it comes to nourishment, a boa's best friend is his smother. 3.3 stars
80. Despite pressure to clean up their act, most dirtbags live in a vacuum. 3.7 stars
81. I need Gestalt reasoning like I need a whole in the head. 2.6 stars
82. Sponges are easy prey for divers, lacking poriferal vision. 2.8 stars
83. The lazy musician was told to shake allegro or make himself scherzo. 2.9 stars
84. The President of the Ennui Club was chairman of the bored. 3.5 stars
85. When his wife demanded that he give up polo, he decided to chukker. 3.2 stars
86. With copper unavailable, continued operation of the mint would make no cents. 3.7 stars
87. As the carburettor chuckled to the air filter, 'I guess the choke's on me!' 3.3 stars
88. Neuter your dog - an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of curs. 2.9 stars
89. Mammals rarely marry monotremes, echidna ewe knot. 2.2 stars
90. No yelling on weekdays if you eat my dessert, but I scream Sunday. 2.5 stars
91. Luridly sailing by the clock on a sea of mucus is a phlegmbuoyant pastime. 2.2 stars
92. When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com. 3.4 stars
93. I used to enjoy steak and cheese with my eggs, but it's all ova now. 3.2 stars
94. The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her. 3.4 stars
95. Primate grandmothers look stylish in a baboonshka. 2.5 stars
96. Astral projection to church is mass tranceportation. 2.7 stars
97. The seaside Chinese buffet with free wi-fi was named The Baudwok. 2.7 stars
98. The crusty, ill-tempered baker was a scone's throw from becoming toast. 3.3 stars
99. Superconductive materials should be properly stored in an ohmless shelter. 3.3 stars
100. Capon is the main ingredient of chicken castratori. 2.5 stars
101. Bauxite refining is a secret carefully guarded by the aluminati. 3.3 stars
102. When the wino suspected his muscatel was watered down, he needed more proof. 3.2 stars
103. The Vatican's supplier of duck eggs is elected by sacred balut. 2.6 stars
104. The futile search for magnetite became a wild gauss chase. 2.8 stars
105. The inept psychic attempted clairvoyance but just couldn't get intuit. 3.4 stars
106. The winter drive-by shooting was a slay ride. 3.1 stars
107. When the goat ate a Scrabble set, the letters came out in alphabetical ordure. 3.1 stars
108. When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve. 4.0 stars
109. The ancient Romans only gathered once a week, because that was enough forum. 3.8 stars
110. At breakfast, the hacker downloaded cornflakes via his cereal port. 3.1 stars
111. Even on Easter Island, most folks would rather croon an oldie than Rapa Nui. 2.9 stars
112. He, who survives embalming, truly has esprit de corpse. 3.1 stars
113. Hogs are taken to slaughter by the hearsemen of the aporkalypse. 2.8 stars
114. To disparage the wind is disgusting. 3.0 stars
115. The circus strongman had a brief affair with the contortionist, but she broke it off. 2.8 stars
116. Due to censorship, prison messages are often taken out of context. 2.9 stars
117. Qwertyus, god of keyboards, is a character from geek mythology. 3.4 stars
118. Lacking proper instruments, the surgeon had to resect a bowel using plumber's tools - it was a gut-wrenching experience. 3.5 stars
119. In exorcism literature, possession is nine-tenths of the lore. 3.2 stars
120. Though humble in secular matters, the minister had an altar ego. 3.6 stars
121. Music of the seventies spawned many new record labels, mostly now defunked. 2.7 stars
122. The crumpled SUV gave evidence of its owner's finely-hooned driving skills. 1.8 stars
123. The entomologist's wardrobe was really fly, but her friend the physicist always had something tachyon. 2.8 stars
124. Realtors guilty of steering deserve the rack, but that's just my pinion. 2.3 stars
125. Termites in the orchestra pit can lead to digestive harp failure. 3.1 stars
126. Calves take well to bottle feeding because one nipple is as good as an udder. 3.8 stars
127. After carelessly plucking her eyelashes while shopping for a corsage, Rose couldn't see the florist because of the tweeze. 2.9 stars
128. The Keystone Kops were frequently criticized for excessive use of farce. 3.5 stars
129. The surgeon failed to repair his own ruptured pericardium because his heart just wasn't in it. 3.1 stars
130. Navy regulations prohibit underwater promotion to the ministry, doing so would constitute insubordination. 2.8 stars
131. When the diva's vacuum cleaner broke, she refused to use a broom because it just wouldn't be Hoover. 2.8 stars
132. The baby peas were fresh and sweet, but their fava was a has-bean. 2.3 stars
133. When the inept actor tried to steal a farmer's omelet with greens, the ham was collard in short order. 2.4 stars
134. When they claimed to house two thousand campers, it sounded like a lot of bunk. 3.4 stars
135. The chef who tried to bribe a judge with polenta was held in corntempt. 2.2 stars
136. Chardonnay may not be champagne, but it's still wine. 2.2 stars
137. To noble steeds with horse sense and stable thinking, hippocracy is not hypocrisy. 2.6 stars
138. Greengrocers earn a meager celery, come home beet and just want to read the pepper, take a leek, turnip the covers endive into bed. 3.9 stars
139. He choked on his all-day sucker and would have fallen off the carousel, but the security guard caught him lollygagging around. 2.8 stars
140. Tubal ligation can get knotty, but lobotomy is a no-brainer. 3.3 stars
141. If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize. 3.7 stars
142. If you think guests really enjoy your home movies, you are probably projecting. 3.2 stars
143. The world champion of purposeful kibitzing is a goaled meddlist. 2.9 stars
144. Bell, Bark and Kennel, a novel by Ivan Pavlov, chronicles the birth of the Salivation Army. 3.2 stars
145. I took the strange skeleton to be that of a feral onager, but it was only a wild ass guess. 2.6 stars
146. The inept nerd married a nuclear software engineer who made great fission chips, she was his bride and booter. 2.6 stars
147. He dined with her at the local beanery and was immediately inflatuated. 3.5 stars
148. Ever since the mayor's ban on flammable liquids, fewer arsonists have benzene around town. 3.4 stars
149. After the trout left school, he hoped to be a steelhead in a floundry. 2.7 stars
150. Simultaneous management of elephants and walruses requires the ability to multitusk. 3.5 stars
151. Hilarious signs that stick to refrigerators can disrupt gravity with magnetic lines of farce. 2.2 stars
152. A handlebar mustache may look ridiculous, but symmetrical eyelashes are even cilia. 3.5 stars
153. The cost of a galvanized hull is enough to zinc a ship. 3.2 stars
154. The chaplain got his gown from the army surplice depot. 2.7 stars
155. A flat-rate poetry tax would be a perverse form of greed. 2.9 stars
156. A poetic hack anapest iamb, but it could be verse. 2.7 stars
157. Being a petrol-deprived thug is a tankless yob. 2.4 stars
158. The Chinese pizzeria murder mystery genre is a novel dough mein. 2.5 stars
159. The predatory prawn shop skinned many an octopus alive and put a lot of suckers on squid roe. 2.6 stars
160. The Lautrec miniature slipped from its frame because it was a little Toulouse. 3.4 stars
161. The bargain store promised a free abacus with every purchase, but I wouldn't count on it. 3.5 stars
162. If ionized fertilizer is delivered after business hours, the nitrate will be charged. 3.5 stars
163. The short-order crook poached his eggs, shaved his chocolate, welched on his rabbits, and even his pastry was stollen. 2.8 stars
164. Underwater ophthalmology lens itself to more aqueous humor and cornea puns. 3.2 stars
165. A stewed chef sat pie-eyed as the crusty judge took his caraway, a punnish mint a long thyme cumin. 3.1 stars
166. Although Nobelists tend to have dynamite personalities, Niels was a Bohr, and Linus was a Pauling. 3.7 stars
167. A crazed insect discovered in the organic garden of a convent was found nun compost mantis. 2.2 stars
168. Petra the Muscovite was gneiss to a fault but stony when taken for granite. 3.1 stars
169. I can't tell you where to buy soy sauce tonight, but I can shoyu tamari. 3.2 stars
170. Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point? 4.0 stars
171. The overweight fighter pilot was grounded for violating the rules of engorgement. 3.0 stars
172. Most airline food is pretty bad, but their haggis is just plane offal. 3.2 stars
173. Ancient vessels lacked stability because there were no rudders in the days of yaw. 2.4 stars
174. Everyone got plastered for the Beethoven rehearsal. It was the bottom of the Ninth, chorus tight, basses loaded. 3.1 stars
175. NASA accepted the wildebeest's application, and around our planet a brave gnu whirled. 3.4 stars
176. The divorced couple hurled Angostura and Boston cream pie at each other - it was a bitter, custardy dispute. 2.4 stars