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Listing puns for Owen McMahon



1. Developing the ideal golf green takes a lot of input. 2.1 stars
2. Arguing with the waiter that battery power is superior to fossil fuels made for a highly charged environment. 2.4 stars
3. If you nickel and dime your customers you are unlikely to make a mint, but they may coin a phrase or two about your business sense. 2.5 stars
4. After my first date with the endoscopist she said she would look me up sometime. 2.7 stars
5. My lawyer wants to represent Santa. He says if there is a Claus he will find a way to make money from it. 2.7 stars
6. Will I tell you how I made the prosthetic foot for the eagle? That wood-be talon. 3.2 stars
7. My buddies and I once got snowed in my cabin for days and played poker for feathers from an old duvet to pass the time. At least my friends were there when the chips were down. 2.4 stars
8. His hopes of providing the energy needs for his home by igniting methane gas proved to be little more than a flash in the pan. 2.1 stars
9. The mime's farewell was a silent occasion, but I guess that goes without saying. 3.8 stars
10. The barman named his cocktails Elijah, Ezekiel and Obadiah and spent most nights drinking the prophets. 3.5 stars
11. Moby Dick didn't have a funeral but he did have a huge wake. 3.6 stars
12. The mountaineer's ukulele needed tuning for the altitude on Mt Everest because it was a little highly strung. 2.3 stars
13. Is that faux fur or is that fur real? 3.9 stars
14. Is an anthill caught in a twister an anticyclone? 1.4 stars
15. I suggested building beds above each other to save space but the idea was debunked. 4.0 stars
16. When I looked for the pencil artist who had copied all my drawings he was gone without a trace. 3.2 stars
17. When the goose hit Dracula like a feather duster it was soon down for the Count. 2.9 stars
18. After they stole my car's catalytic converter I was fuming. 2.8 stars
19. The liquor store was burgled with no sign of a break in, no fingerprints and only spirits were taken. Police suspect it was a polter-heist. 2.7 stars
20. Since I changed the color of my favorite monastic robes they have been stiff and uncomfortable. I guess old habits dye hard. 3.3 stars
21. The popularity of hot air riding is ballooning. 2.4 stars
22. As I scent her out to a choir cheep denim genes I waived good buy. 1.5 stars
23. It really tees me off when you wear my driving gloves to play golf. 2.7 stars
24. I just can't see why you say I'm myopic. 2.9 stars
25. After cosmetic surgery the pelican faced a huge bill. 4.0 stars
26. They come from a long line of bakers. They're inbred. 3.5 stars
27. This garment is made out of the feathers of starving parrots. It's polypropylene. 1.8 stars
28. Eating like a pig is a porcine of etiquette. 1.8 stars
29. Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck. 1.9 stars
30. Stealing my computer files rarely gets my back up. 3.0 stars
31. Ski jumpers are inclined to be fast. 3.0 stars
32. Attending Mexico's Dia de Muertos could be a fete worse than death. 2.2 stars
33. When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit. 2.5 stars
34. Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment. 3.1 stars
35. The flipside of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile. 3.8 stars
36. I have learned how to take a compliment because I'm not usually offered any. 2.5 stars
37. Circling vultures are a dead giveaway. 4.0 stars
38. She comes from a long line of slow check out operators. 2.9 stars
39. Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse. 3.8 stars
40. I gave up my job as a high-wire walker because I was struggling to achieve work-life balance. 2.8 stars
41. My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off. 3.2 stars
42. Pre-schoolers are like black holes. They draw in everything around them. 3.0 stars
43. Computer geeks always look scruffy because they only take milliseconds to refresh. 2.8 stars
44. My relationship with my chauffeur just isn't going anywhere. It feels like he's always trying to drive me away. 4.0 stars
45. The meaning of opaque is unclear. 3.9 stars
46. Controlling geometry teachers divide and rule. 2.4 stars
47. When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking. 3.6 stars
48. They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt. 1.7 stars
49. If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent. 2.2 stars
50. I may not have been chaste but I've never been caught. 3.4 stars
51. The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted. 4.0 stars
52. I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture. 2.6 stars
53. Vampires snack between meals on lentils because they are so into pulses. 1.8 stars
54. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.6 stars
55. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
56. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.2 stars
57. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 3.9 stars
58. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.6 stars
59. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
60. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
61. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.4 stars
62. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 4.0 stars
63. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
64. I'm prone to lying. 3.2 stars
65. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
66. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.9 stars
67. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
68. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
69. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
70. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.4 stars
71. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
72. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
73. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
74. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
75. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
76. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
77. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
78. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
79. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
80. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
81. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
82. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.8 stars
83. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.5 stars
84. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
85. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
86. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
87. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
88. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
89. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.2 stars
90. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
91. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
92. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
93. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.5 stars
94. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
95. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.4 stars