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Listing puns for Owen McMahon

1. After they stole my car's catalytic converter I was fuming. 3.0 stars
2. The liquor store was burgled with no sign of a break in, no fingerprints and only spirits were taken. Police suspect it was a polter-heist. 2.6 stars
3. Since I changed the color of my favorite monastic robes they have been stiff and uncomfortable. I guess old habits dye hard. 3.2 stars
4. The popularity of hot air riding is ballooning. 2.4 stars
5. As I scent her out to a choir cheep denim genes I waived good buy. 1.6 stars
6. It really tees me off when you wear my driving gloves to play golf. 2.8 stars
7. I just can't see why you say I'm myopic. 3.0 stars
8. After cosmetic surgery the pelican faced a huge bill. 4.0 stars
9. They come from a long line of bakers. They're inbred. 3.5 stars
10. This garment is made out of the feathers of starving parrots. It's polypropylene. 1.8 stars
11. Eating like a pig is a porcine of etiquette. 1.8 stars
12. Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck. 1.9 stars
13. Stealing my computer files rarely gets my back up. 3.0 stars
14. Ski jumpers are inclined to be fast. 3.0 stars
15. Attending Mexico's Dia de Muertos could be a fete worse than death. 2.2 stars
16. When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit. 2.5 stars
17. Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment. 3.1 stars
18. The flipside of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile. 3.8 stars
19. I have learned how to take a compliment because I'm not usually offered any. 2.5 stars
20. Circling vultures are a dead giveaway. 4.0 stars
21. She comes from a long line of slow check out operators. 2.9 stars
22. Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse. 3.8 stars
23. I gave up my job as a high-wire walker because I was struggling to achieve work-life balance. 2.8 stars
24. My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off. 3.2 stars
25. Pre-schoolers are like black holes. They draw in everything around them. 3.0 stars
26. Computer geeks always look scruffy because they only take milliseconds to refresh. 2.8 stars
27. My relationship with my chauffeur just isn't going anywhere. It feels like he's always trying to drive me away. 4.0 stars
28. The meaning of opaque is unclear. 3.9 stars
29. Controlling geometry teachers divide and rule. 2.4 stars
30. When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking. 3.6 stars
31. They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt. 1.7 stars
32. If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent. 2.2 stars
33. I may not have been chaste but I've never been caught. 3.4 stars
34. The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted. 4.0 stars
35. I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture. 2.6 stars
36. Vampires snack between meals on lentils because they are so into pulses. 1.8 stars
37. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.5 stars
38. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
39. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.2 stars
40. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 3.9 stars
41. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.6 stars
42. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
43. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
44. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.4 stars
45. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 3.9 stars
46. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
47. I'm prone to lying. 3.2 stars
48. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
49. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.8 stars
50. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
51. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
52. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
53. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.4 stars
54. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
55. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
56. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
57. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
58. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
59. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
60. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
61. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
62. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
63. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
64. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
65. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.8 stars
66. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.6 stars
67. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
68. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
69. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
70. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
71. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
72. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.2 stars
73. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
74. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
75. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
76. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.5 stars
77. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
78. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.4 stars