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Listing puns for Owen McMahon

1. After cosmetic surgery the pelican faced a huge bill. 3.9 stars
2. They come from a long line of bakers. They're inbred. 3.5 stars
3. This garment is made out of the feathers of starving parrots. It's polypropylene. 1.8 stars
4. Eating like a pig is a porcine of etiquette. 1.8 stars
5. Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck. 1.9 stars
6. Stealing my computer files rarely gets my back up. 3.1 stars
7. Ski jumpers are inclined to be fast. 3.0 stars
8. Attending Mexico's Dia de Muertos could be a fete worse than death. 2.2 stars
9. When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit. 2.5 stars
10. Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment. 3.1 stars
11. The flipside of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile. 3.8 stars
12. I have learned how to take a compliment because I'm not usually offered any. 2.5 stars
13. Circling vultures are a dead giveaway. 4.0 stars
14. She comes from a long line of slow check out operators. 2.9 stars
15. Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse. 3.8 stars
16. I gave up my job as a high-wire walker because I was struggling to achieve work-life balance. 2.8 stars
17. My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off. 3.2 stars
18. Pre-schoolers are like black holes. They draw in everything around them. 3.0 stars
19. Computer geeks always look scruffy because they only take milliseconds to refresh. 2.8 stars
20. My relationship with my chauffeur just isn't going anywhere. It feels like he's always trying to drive me away. 4.0 stars
21. The meaning of opaque is unclear. 3.9 stars
22. Controlling geometry teachers divide and rule. 2.4 stars
23. When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking. 3.6 stars
24. They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt. 1.7 stars
25. If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent. 2.2 stars
26. I may not have been chaste but I've never been caught. 3.4 stars
27. The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted. 4.0 stars
28. I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture. 2.6 stars
29. Vampires snack between meals on lentils because they are so into pulses. 1.8 stars
30. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.5 stars
31. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
32. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.2 stars
33. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 3.9 stars
34. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.6 stars
35. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
36. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
37. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.3 stars
38. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 3.9 stars
39. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
40. I'm prone to lying. 3.2 stars
41. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
42. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.8 stars
43. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
44. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
45. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
46. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.4 stars
47. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
48. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
49. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
50. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
51. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
52. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
53. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
54. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
55. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
56. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
57. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
58. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.8 stars
59. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.6 stars
60. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
61. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
62. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
63. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
64. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
65. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.2 stars
66. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
67. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
68. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
69. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.5 stars
70. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
71. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.4 stars