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Listing puns for Owen McMahon



1. My buddies and I once got snowed in my cabin for days and played poker for feathers from an old duvet to pass the time. At least my friends were there when the chips were down. 3.0 stars
2. His hopes of providing the energy needs for his home by igniting methane gas proved to be little more than a flash in the pan. 2.1 stars
3. The mime's farewell was a silent occasion, but I guess that goes without saying. 3.7 stars
4. The barman named his cocktails Elijah, Ezekiel and Obadiah and spent most nights drinking the prophets. 3.4 stars
5. Moby Dick didn't have a funeral but he did have a huge wake. 3.6 stars
6. The mountaineer's ukulele needed tuning for the altitude on Mt Everest because it was a little highly strung. 2.3 stars
7. Is that faux fur or is that fur real? 4.1 stars
8. Is an anthill caught in a twister an anticyclone? 1.4 stars
9. I suggested building beds above each other to save space but the idea was debunked. 4.0 stars
10. When I looked for the pencil artist who had copied all my drawings he was gone without a trace. 3.2 stars
11. When the goose hit Dracula like a feather duster it was soon down for the Count. 2.9 stars
12. After they stole my car's catalytic converter I was fuming. 2.8 stars
13. The liquor store was burgled with no sign of a break in, no fingerprints and only spirits were taken. Police suspect it was a polter-heist. 2.7 stars
14. Since I changed the color of my favorite monastic robes they have been stiff and uncomfortable. I guess old habits dye hard. 3.3 stars
15. The popularity of hot air riding is ballooning. 2.4 stars
16. As I scent her out to a choir cheep denim genes I waived good buy. 1.5 stars
17. It really tees me off when you wear my driving gloves to play golf. 2.7 stars
18. I just can't see why you say I'm myopic. 2.9 stars
19. After cosmetic surgery the pelican faced a huge bill. 4.0 stars
20. They come from a long line of bakers. They're inbred. 3.5 stars
21. This garment is made out of the feathers of starving parrots. It's polypropylene. 1.8 stars
22. Eating like a pig is a porcine of etiquette. 1.8 stars
23. Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck. 1.9 stars
24. Stealing my computer files rarely gets my back up. 3.0 stars
25. Ski jumpers are inclined to be fast. 3.0 stars
26. Attending Mexico's Dia de Muertos could be a fete worse than death. 2.2 stars
27. When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit. 2.5 stars
28. Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment. 3.1 stars
29. The flipside of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile. 3.8 stars
30. I have learned how to take a compliment because I'm not usually offered any. 2.5 stars
31. Circling vultures are a dead giveaway. 4.0 stars
32. She comes from a long line of slow check out operators. 2.9 stars
33. Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse. 3.8 stars
34. I gave up my job as a high-wire walker because I was struggling to achieve work-life balance. 2.8 stars
35. My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off. 3.2 stars
36. Pre-schoolers are like black holes. They draw in everything around them. 3.0 stars
37. Computer geeks always look scruffy because they only take milliseconds to refresh. 2.8 stars
38. My relationship with my chauffeur just isn't going anywhere. It feels like he's always trying to drive me away. 4.0 stars
39. The meaning of opaque is unclear. 3.9 stars
40. Controlling geometry teachers divide and rule. 2.4 stars
41. When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking. 3.6 stars
42. They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt. 1.7 stars
43. If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent. 2.2 stars
44. I may not have been chaste but I've never been caught. 3.4 stars
45. The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted. 4.0 stars
46. I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture. 2.6 stars
47. Vampires snack between meals on lentils because they are so into pulses. 1.8 stars
48. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.6 stars
49. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
50. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.2 stars
51. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 3.9 stars
52. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.6 stars
53. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
54. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
55. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.4 stars
56. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 4.0 stars
57. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
58. I'm prone to lying. 3.2 stars
59. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
60. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.8 stars
61. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
62. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
63. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
64. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.4 stars
65. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
66. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
67. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
68. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
69. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
70. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
71. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
72. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
73. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
74. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
75. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
76. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.8 stars
77. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.5 stars
78. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
79. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
80. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
81. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
82. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
83. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.2 stars
84. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
85. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
86. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
87. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.5 stars
88. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
89. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.4 stars