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Listing puns for Owen McMahon

1. I suggested building beds above each other to save space but the idea was debunked. 4.0 stars
2. When I looked for the pencil artist who had copied all my drawings he was gone without a trace. 3.2 stars
3. When the goose hit Dracula like a feather duster it was soon down for the Count. 2.9 stars
4. After they stole my car's catalytic converter I was fuming. 2.8 stars
5. The liquor store was burgled with no sign of a break in, no fingerprints and only spirits were taken. Police suspect it was a polter-heist. 2.7 stars
6. Since I changed the color of my favorite monastic robes they have been stiff and uncomfortable. I guess old habits dye hard. 3.3 stars
7. The popularity of hot air riding is ballooning. 2.4 stars
8. As I scent her out to a choir cheep denim genes I waived good buy. 1.5 stars
9. It really tees me off when you wear my driving gloves to play golf. 2.7 stars
10. I just can't see why you say I'm myopic. 2.9 stars
11. After cosmetic surgery the pelican faced a huge bill. 4.0 stars
12. They come from a long line of bakers. They're inbred. 3.5 stars
13. This garment is made out of the feathers of starving parrots. It's polypropylene. 1.8 stars
14. Eating like a pig is a porcine of etiquette. 1.8 stars
15. Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck. 1.9 stars
16. Stealing my computer files rarely gets my back up. 3.0 stars
17. Ski jumpers are inclined to be fast. 3.0 stars
18. Attending Mexico's Dia de Muertos could be a fete worse than death. 2.2 stars
19. When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit. 2.5 stars
20. Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment. 3.1 stars
21. The flipside of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile. 3.8 stars
22. I have learned how to take a compliment because I'm not usually offered any. 2.5 stars
23. Circling vultures are a dead giveaway. 4.0 stars
24. She comes from a long line of slow check out operators. 2.9 stars
25. Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse. 3.8 stars
26. I gave up my job as a high-wire walker because I was struggling to achieve work-life balance. 2.8 stars
27. My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off. 3.2 stars
28. Pre-schoolers are like black holes. They draw in everything around them. 3.0 stars
29. Computer geeks always look scruffy because they only take milliseconds to refresh. 2.8 stars
30. My relationship with my chauffeur just isn't going anywhere. It feels like he's always trying to drive me away. 4.0 stars
31. The meaning of opaque is unclear. 3.9 stars
32. Controlling geometry teachers divide and rule. 2.4 stars
33. When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking. 3.6 stars
34. They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt. 1.7 stars
35. If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent. 2.2 stars
36. I may not have been chaste but I've never been caught. 3.4 stars
37. The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted. 4.0 stars
38. I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture. 2.6 stars
39. Vampires snack between meals on lentils because they are so into pulses. 1.8 stars
40. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.5 stars
41. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
42. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.2 stars
43. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 3.9 stars
44. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.6 stars
45. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
46. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
47. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.4 stars
48. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 4.0 stars
49. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
50. I'm prone to lying. 3.2 stars
51. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
52. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.8 stars
53. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
54. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
55. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
56. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.4 stars
57. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
58. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
59. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
60. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
61. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
62. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
63. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
64. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
65. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
66. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
67. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
68. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.8 stars
69. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.5 stars
70. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
71. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
72. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
73. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
74. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
75. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.2 stars
76. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
77. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
78. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
79. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.5 stars
80. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
81. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.4 stars