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Listing puns for Owen McMahon



1. They come from a long line of bakers. They're inbred. 3.5 stars
2. This garment is made out of the feathers of starving parrots. It's polypropylene. 1.8 stars
3. Eating like a pig is a porcine of etiquette. 1.8 stars
4. Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck. 1.9 stars
5. Stealing my computer files rarely gets my back up. 3.1 stars
6. Ski jumpers are inclined to be fast. 3.0 stars
7. Attending Mexico's Dia de Muertos could be a fete worse than death. 2.2 stars
8. When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit. 2.5 stars
9. Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment. 3.1 stars
10. The flipside of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile. 3.8 stars
11. I have learned how to take a compliment because I'm not usually offered any. 2.5 stars
12. Circling vultures are a dead giveaway. 4.0 stars
13. She comes from a long line of slow check out operators. 2.9 stars
14. Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse. 3.8 stars
15. I gave up my job as a high-wire walker because I was struggling to achieve work-life balance. 2.8 stars
16. My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off. 3.2 stars
17. Pre-schoolers are like black holes. They draw in everything around them. 3.0 stars
18. Computer geeks always look scruffy because they only take milliseconds to refresh. 2.8 stars
19. My relationship with my chauffeur just isn't going anywhere. It feels like he's always trying to drive me away. 4.0 stars
20. The meaning of opaque is unclear. 3.9 stars
21. Controlling geometry teachers divide and rule. 2.3 stars
22. When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking. 3.6 stars
23. They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt. 1.7 stars
24. If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent. 2.2 stars
25. I may not have been chaste but I've never been caught. 3.4 stars
26. The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted. 4.0 stars
27. I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture. 2.6 stars
28. Vampires snack between meals on lentils because they are so into pulses. 1.8 stars
29. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.5 stars
30. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
31. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.2 stars
32. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 3.9 stars
33. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.6 stars
34. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
35. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
36. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.3 stars
37. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 3.9 stars
38. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
39. I'm prone to lying. 3.2 stars
40. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
41. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.8 stars
42. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
43. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
44. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
45. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.4 stars
46. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
47. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
48. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
49. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
50. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
51. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
52. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
53. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
54. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
55. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
56. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
57. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.8 stars
58. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.5 stars
59. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
60. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
61. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
62. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
63. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
64. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.2 stars
65. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
66. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
67. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
68. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.5 stars
69. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
70. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.4 stars