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Listing puns for Owen McMahon



1. The mountaineer's ukulele needed tuning for the altitude on Mt Everest because it was a little highly strung. 2.3 stars
2. Is that faux fur or is that fur real? 4.0 stars
3. Is an anthill caught in a twister an anticyclone? 1.4 stars
4. I suggested building beds above each other to save space but the idea was debunked. 4.0 stars
5. When I looked for the pencil artist who had copied all my drawings he was gone without a trace. 3.2 stars
6. When the goose hit Dracula like a feather duster it was soon down for the Count. 2.9 stars
7. After they stole my car's catalytic converter I was fuming. 2.8 stars
8. The liquor store was burgled with no sign of a break in, no fingerprints and only spirits were taken. Police suspect it was a polter-heist. 2.7 stars
9. Since I changed the color of my favorite monastic robes they have been stiff and uncomfortable. I guess old habits dye hard. 3.3 stars
10. The popularity of hot air riding is ballooning. 2.4 stars
11. As I scent her out to a choir cheep denim genes I waived good buy. 1.5 stars
12. It really tees me off when you wear my driving gloves to play golf. 2.7 stars
13. I just can't see why you say I'm myopic. 2.9 stars
14. After cosmetic surgery the pelican faced a huge bill. 4.0 stars
15. They come from a long line of bakers. They're inbred. 3.5 stars
16. This garment is made out of the feathers of starving parrots. It's polypropylene. 1.8 stars
17. Eating like a pig is a porcine of etiquette. 1.8 stars
18. Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck. 1.9 stars
19. Stealing my computer files rarely gets my back up. 3.0 stars
20. Ski jumpers are inclined to be fast. 3.0 stars
21. Attending Mexico's Dia de Muertos could be a fete worse than death. 2.2 stars
22. When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit. 2.5 stars
23. Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment. 3.1 stars
24. The flipside of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile. 3.8 stars
25. I have learned how to take a compliment because I'm not usually offered any. 2.5 stars
26. Circling vultures are a dead giveaway. 4.0 stars
27. She comes from a long line of slow check out operators. 2.9 stars
28. Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse. 3.8 stars
29. I gave up my job as a high-wire walker because I was struggling to achieve work-life balance. 2.8 stars
30. My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off. 3.2 stars
31. Pre-schoolers are like black holes. They draw in everything around them. 3.0 stars
32. Computer geeks always look scruffy because they only take milliseconds to refresh. 2.8 stars
33. My relationship with my chauffeur just isn't going anywhere. It feels like he's always trying to drive me away. 4.0 stars
34. The meaning of opaque is unclear. 3.9 stars
35. Controlling geometry teachers divide and rule. 2.4 stars
36. When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking. 3.6 stars
37. They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt. 1.7 stars
38. If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent. 2.2 stars
39. I may not have been chaste but I've never been caught. 3.4 stars
40. The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted. 4.0 stars
41. I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture. 2.6 stars
42. Vampires snack between meals on lentils because they are so into pulses. 1.8 stars
43. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.5 stars
44. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
45. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.2 stars
46. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 3.9 stars
47. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.6 stars
48. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
49. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
50. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.4 stars
51. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 4.0 stars
52. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
53. I'm prone to lying. 3.2 stars
54. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
55. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.8 stars
56. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
57. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
58. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
59. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.4 stars
60. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
61. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
62. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
63. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
64. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
65. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
66. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
67. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
68. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
69. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
70. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
71. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.8 stars
72. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.5 stars
73. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
74. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
75. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
76. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
77. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
78. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.2 stars
79. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
80. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
81. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
82. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.5 stars
83. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
84. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.4 stars