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Listing puns for Owen McMahon



1. I had a disagreement with my dancing teacher at my first lesson. I said I had two left feet and she said too right. 2.9 stars
2. Should we give arsonists a punishment to fit the crime, or would that just be adding fools to the fire? 3.2 stars
3. Developing the ideal golf green takes a lot of input. 2.1 stars
4. Arguing with the waiter that battery power is superior to fossil fuels made for a highly charged environment. 2.4 stars
5. If you nickel and dime your customers you are unlikely to make a mint, but they may coin a phrase or two about your business sense. 2.5 stars
6. After my first date with the endoscopist she said she would look me up sometime. 2.7 stars
7. My lawyer wants to represent Santa. He says if there is a Claus he will find a way to make money from it. 2.7 stars
8. Will I tell you how I made the prosthetic foot for the eagle? That wood-be talon. 3.2 stars
9. My buddies and I once got snowed in my cabin for days and played poker for feathers from an old duvet to pass the time. At least my friends were there when the chips were down. 2.4 stars
10. His hopes of providing the energy needs for his home by igniting methane gas proved to be little more than a flash in the pan. 2.1 stars
11. The mime's farewell was a silent occasion, but I guess that goes without saying. 3.8 stars
12. The barman named his cocktails Elijah, Ezekiel and Obadiah and spent most nights drinking the prophets. 3.5 stars
13. Moby Dick didn't have a funeral but he did have a huge wake. 3.7 stars
14. The mountaineer's ukulele needed tuning for the altitude on Mt Everest because it was a little highly strung. 2.3 stars
15. Is that faux fur or is that fur real? 3.8 stars
16. Is an anthill caught in a twister an anticyclone? 1.4 stars
17. I suggested building beds above each other to save space but the idea was debunked. 4.0 stars
18. When I looked for the pencil artist who had copied all my drawings he was gone without a trace. 3.2 stars
19. When the goose hit Dracula like a feather duster it was soon down for the Count. 2.9 stars
20. After they stole my car's catalytic converter I was fuming. 2.8 stars
21. The liquor store was burgled with no sign of a break in, no fingerprints and only spirits were taken. Police suspect it was a polter-heist. 2.7 stars
22. Since I changed the color of my favorite monastic robes they have been stiff and uncomfortable. I guess old habits dye hard. 3.3 stars
23. The popularity of hot air riding is ballooning. 2.4 stars
24. As I scent her out to a choir cheep denim genes I waived good buy. 1.5 stars
25. It really tees me off when you wear my driving gloves to play golf. 2.7 stars
26. I just can't see why you say I'm myopic. 2.9 stars
27. After cosmetic surgery the pelican faced a huge bill. 4.0 stars
28. They come from a long line of bakers. They're inbred. 3.5 stars
29. This garment is made out of the feathers of starving parrots. It's polypropylene. 1.8 stars
30. Eating like a pig is a porcine of etiquette. 1.8 stars
31. Rabbit relationships are based on a financial transaction. If he's got the doe she gets a buck. 1.9 stars
32. Stealing my computer files rarely gets my back up. 3.0 stars
33. Ski jumpers are inclined to be fast. 3.0 stars
34. Attending Mexico's Dia de Muertos could be a fete worse than death. 2.2 stars
35. When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit. 2.5 stars
36. Being stripped of her Citrus Queen title was a bitter disappointment. 3.1 stars
37. The flipside of contagious gum disease is an infectious smile. 3.8 stars
38. I have learned how to take a compliment because I'm not usually offered any. 2.5 stars
39. Circling vultures are a dead giveaway. 4.0 stars
40. She comes from a long line of slow check out operators. 2.9 stars
41. Several states were delighted by the solar eclipse. 3.8 stars
42. I gave up my job as a high-wire walker because I was struggling to achieve work-life balance. 2.8 stars
43. My idea for a hovercraft robot vacuum cleaner never really took off. 3.2 stars
44. Pre-schoolers are like black holes. They draw in everything around them. 3.0 stars
45. Computer geeks always look scruffy because they only take milliseconds to refresh. 2.8 stars
46. My relationship with my chauffeur just isn't going anywhere. It feels like he's always trying to drive me away. 4.0 stars
47. The meaning of opaque is unclear. 3.9 stars
48. Controlling geometry teachers divide and rule. 2.4 stars
49. When you dig up ghosts from the past, burying them again is a phenomenal undertaking. 3.6 stars
50. They say that Himalayan Roosters can lay eggs but why is that one screaming? Himalayan Rock Salt. 1.7 stars
51. If the current leader's head was added to Mount Rushmore using cement, that would be setting a precedent. 2.2 stars
52. I may not have been chaste but I've never been caught. 3.4 stars
53. The leopard tried creeping up on the tigers using its camouflage but it was spotted. 4.0 stars
54. I didn't smoke the weed, it was just a toke in gesture. 2.6 stars
55. Vampires snack between meals on lentils because they are so into pulses. 1.8 stars
56. Irresponsible financiers must be discredited. 3.5 stars
57. If you see cattle wearing shin pads then you know they are on a weight loss program to reduce grazing. 1.6 stars
58. I can show you how to levitate using 'smoke and mirrors' if you don't mind suspending reality for a while. 2.2 stars
59. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth. 3.9 stars
60. Leaving myself out of my own photo was selfie-facing. 2.6 stars
61. If you want to hear a quick comeback try walking away without paying. 3.6 stars
62. Old skiers go downhill fast. 3.4 stars
63. When the Grim Reaper sweeps through, we have a brush with death. 2.4 stars
64. I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later. 4.0 stars
65. I tried sleeping at the gym but it was fitful. 2.4 stars
66. I'm prone to lying. 3.2 stars
67. When the maid found my lottery ticket she really cleaned up. 3.2 stars
68. Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking. 3.9 stars
69. I moved onto a boat in Hong Kong's harbour to avoid unsolicited advertising material but all I got was junk mail. 2.7 stars
70. What top does an astronaut wear to the moon? Apollo shirt. 3.0 stars
71. When the cigarette lighter salesman tried to win back his old flame he found that he had met his match. 3.7 stars
72. The fraudulent caged chicken farmer gave himself free range with his egg labeling. 2.4 stars
73. He's got a phonographic memory. He repeats the exact same old lines like a scratched record. 2.5 stars
74. He sold a batch of release spray to someone in jail but it was just a silly-con. 2.2 stars
75. Deep cuts were made in the guillotine industry and heads rolled. 3.7 stars
76. When the drummer moved back in next door there were many repercussions. 3.3 stars
77. Even the smallest egg farms are multi-layer organisations. 3.3 stars
78. The junior librarian was reincarnated as a bookmark because he always knew his place. 3.1 stars
79. The misdirected astronaut wasn't exactly over the moon. 3.0 stars
80. Global warming campaigners lament the invention of the infernal combustion engine. 2.4 stars
81. I was too busy drinking to notice that all my cigarettes had gone ashtray. 3.0 stars
82. I gave my stressed out feline too much elixir. Now it's catatonic. 3.2 stars
83. Crane drivers have uplifting pick-up lines. 3.1 stars
84. Psychopaths always see amoral in the story. 2.8 stars
85. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters. 3.5 stars
86. You can't sing with a mouthful of garbanzo beans, so hummus a tune. 3.8 stars
87. I was terrified anaesthetising my first big cat, but I had to feel the fur and do it anyway. 1.6 stars
88. The tap dancer's routine ran hot and cold. 2.6 stars
89. Funniness and cleverness have always been two notable factors for rating puns, but the third has groan in significance. 3.8 stars
90. I tried talking about our future but she just kept bringing up my past. It was a tense conversation. 3.8 stars
91. The new jail tunnel was a runaway success. 3.2 stars
92. The tarantula found his partner online. He spider on the web. 3.7 stars
93. Does my great new smile denture ego? 3.2 stars
94. My blind date's not looking good. 3.4 stars
95. On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion. 3.5 stars
96. A recent genetic hybrid of a dog and a mirror has given geneticists pause for reflection. 3.1 stars
97. The new drive-thru restaurant for golfers insisted on putting greens in all their courses. 3.4 stars