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Listing puns for SGT Snorkel



1. My dog has an attitude. He is a cocky spaniel. 3.6 stars
2. If I want to gamble online, do I use betcoins? 2.4 stars
3. I want to become a mime. Does that sound like a good idea? 2.2 stars
4. Carly Simon was in a vineyard when she got the idea for the song, 'You're So Vine'. 1.8 stars
5. Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater joined the Army. He wanted to fight for gourd and country. 2.3 stars
6. The gourmet chef received an injection for a severe allergic reaction. He got an epi-cure. 1.7 stars
7. I asked Kermit the Frog what he was hunting for. He said, 'Rabbit, rabbit.' 2.0 stars
8. For breakfast, Shrek liked eggs ogre easy. 3.1 stars
9. I wrote a novel about religious women. The library put it in the nun fiction section. 4.0 stars
10. That British geometry teacher is kind of thick headed. What an obtuse Anglo. 2.2 stars
11. If the founder of Playboy had become a lumberjack, would he be Hew Hefner? 1.8 stars
12. I lost my rare deck of Tarot cards. I was sad. They cost me a fortune. 3.6 stars
13. My wife kept insisting I do macrame. Finally I shouted, 'Knot again!' 3.1 stars
14. The poet wrote an ode about a tractor. It was a classic case of man verses machine. 2.5 stars
15. I saw a great comedy show in London. Folks were rolling in the isles. 2.5 stars
16. Of all my books, my favorite is the one I received last Christmas. There is no tome like the present. 2.0 stars
17. I hired a zombie to do some work around my house. He is the working dead. 2.0 stars
18. When the musician got in a car accident, his guitar was destroyed. The accident was a Fender bender. 3.8 stars
19. I told the knight that I could knock him out of his saddle. Of course, I was speaking in joust. 2.9 stars
20. He knew his lot in life was to create the world's greatest mosquito repellant. He had a deet with destiny. 2.0 stars
21. Wounds heal better if they are covered. This is an example of gauze and effect. 3.9 stars
22. I control the weeds in my lawn with the help of my friend, Herby Side. 2.3 stars
23. That butler isn't wearing his false teeth. I thought undentured servitude was illegal. 3.0 stars
24. After eating the ship, the sea monster needed an Alka-Seltzer. He said, 'I can't believe I ate the hull thing.' 3.3 stars
25. When a fellow in Venice was planning a party, he asked his wife if they should invite Othello. She said, 'Sure, the Moor the merrier.' 2.8 stars
26. I knew I had to pay the mobster the money I owed him. It was a matter of life or debt. 3.4 stars
27. Shakespeare spent so much time at the Globe Theater because he was bored of Avon. 1.6 stars
28. Shakespeare's parrot was the bird of Avon. 2.2 stars
29. Batman bought a fedora. He wanted to be the capped crusader. 2.6 stars
30. Before becoming a philosopher, Kant worked quality control on a vineyard. His most famous book is 'The Critique of Pure Raisin.' 2.3 stars
31. That podiatrist is very sneaky. Give him an arch, he will take a foot. 2.6 stars
32. The two congressmen disagreed about what sort of pan should be used to cook pancakes. Another example of griddlelock. 3.0 stars
33. Caesar thought it would be smart to walk through the forum one evening. Beware the ideas of March. 2.2 stars
34. The animals at the zoo started rioting. A porcupine was brought in to quill the uprising. 3.4 stars
35. I asked Kermit the Frog what I should use to join the pieces of metal, but all he said was, 'Rivet, rivet.' 3.5 stars
36. The drunk went into the barbershop and said, 'Take a little off the tope.' 1.7 stars
37. The worker at Cape Canaveral wanted to make a sandwich, so he went to the deli to buy some launchin' meat. 1.9 stars
38. People say that as a child, William Shakespeare was very playful. 3.4 stars
39. If climate change is causing the sea level to rise, does that mean that the oceans are getting too big for their beaches? 3.6 stars
40. Buzz Lightyear was following a Japanese luxury car on the highway. When he pulled around to pass, he shouted, "To Infiniti and beyond." 2.9 stars
41. Some aquatic mammals at the zoo escaped. It was otter chaos. 3.7 stars
42. When I saw the White Cliffs of Dover, I realized that the old saying was true. Chalk is steep. 3.0 stars
43. I was only on the military base from dusk to dawn, but it seemed like a fort night. 3.3 stars
44. When the scientist wanted to clone a deer, he bought a doe it yourself kit. 3.3 stars
45. Clement Moore was tying his tie before going to Christmas Eve service. He said, 'Twas the knot before Christmas.' 2.4 stars
46. Quasimodo bought a Ford Focus. It became known as the hatchback of Notre Dame. 3.3 stars
47. The Hungarian inventor bought a baby bear. It became known as Rubik's cub. 2.4 stars
48. I shouted from a mountaintop in Italy and a famous author answered. I definitely heard an Eco. 2.3 stars
49. That cattle farmer is upset. He is raising kine. 1.9 stars
50. It was boring to listen to the prisoner as he kept repeating how sorry he was for his crime. He was con trite. 2.8 stars
51. I drove around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway on my John Deere. I was on a track tour. 3.2 stars
52. The knight stood on the shoulder of the road, looking at his disabled car. He shook his head and said, 'Chevrolet is dead.' 2.4 stars
53. The Spanish author would not bring refreshments to his uncles, but he would serve aunties. 2.4 stars
54. My son's spelling test consisted of synonyms of the word incorrect. He was able to write every wrong. 3.4 stars
55. The historian loves reading about bobcats. They are lynx to the past. 3.6 stars
56. Yogi had a whiskey, water, and tea drink every night. He was a toddy bear. 2.6 stars
57. The woodcutter stretched every morning before starting work. He was a limberjack. 3.1 stars
58. The termite wanted to lose weight, so he started eating more lattice. 3.4 stars
59. The farmer was surprised when his pumpkin won a blue ribbon at the State Fair. He shouted, 'Oh, my gourd.' 3.5 stars
60. A bunch of robins followed the priest wherever he went. Birds of a father flock together. 2.5 stars
61. The Crimean cannibal loved Tatar tots. 2.5 stars
62. The author in northwest Alaska used a pen name. It was a Nome de plume. 2.5 stars
63. Did Gregor Mendel ever win the Nobel Peas Prize? 2.9 stars
64. To add to the punishment, Satan made all the tormented souls listen to elevator music. The Hells Are Alive With the Sounds of Muzak. 3.3 stars
65. The retired general would not help his grandson color Easter eggs, but he did give the boy some cottage cheese. Old soldiers never dye, they just feed some whey. 2.3 stars
66. Popeye had just finished plucking a goose when a gust of wind scattered all of the feathers. He said, 'Well, blow me down.' 2.5 stars
67. I thought Santa was going to be late, but he arrived in the Nick of time. 3.5 stars
68. I really regretted the inconsiderate comment I made. It was rued. 3.3 stars
69. A car can't make you high, but can a bus? 3.0 stars
70. I told the psychiatrist that I was afraid of strangers talking about the founder of stoicism. He said I had zenophobia. 2.5 stars
71. The mass murderer was always grumpy. He was a surly ol' killer. 2.4 stars
72. I went to Cairo, but I don't remember if I saw the river or not. I wonder if I am senile. 2.8 stars
73. If I think I've seen an idiot before, is that a case of deja fool. 3.0 stars
74. My wife's dad spends a lot of time in the bathroom. He is my Father in Loo. 2.6 stars
75. The philosophy student got an 'F' the day he forgot to turn in his Hume work. 2.5 stars
76. When I was a carpenter, I specialized in installing bathroom fixtures. I am very proud of all my vanities. 3.2 stars
77. Tennyson wrote a series of poems about a lazy monarch. He called it 'Idles of the King.' 2.7 stars
78. Attila was coaching a soccer team. He wanted them to win, but his Huns were tied. 2.8 stars
79. The British cannibal enjoyed snacking on fish and chaps. 3.4 stars
80. The ghost never took sides during arguments. He was super neutral. 2.9 stars
81. I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn't have much of a plot. 3.8 stars
82. The bridegroom got to the church when he was supposed to. He was at the rite place at the rite time. 3.0 stars
83. My friends call me Mesa because of my big butte. 2.9 stars
84. The environmentalist rode his bike 20 miles in the morning and 20 more in the evening. He loved recycling. 3.3 stars
85. That religious fellow fell for the same scam two times in a row. He is a burned again Christian. 2.6 stars
86. I had trouble getting to the University in New Orleans. I had to drive down a two lane road. 3.0 stars
87. The rotting food in the garbage can behind the restaurant was covered with flies. To the vectors go the spoils. 2.3 stars
88. It took the replay analyst a long time to cut his grass. He did it in slo-mow. 3.1 stars
89. Under the full moon, Hamlet turned into a werewolf. Gazing up at the beautiful moon he came up with the famous line, 'To bay or not to bay...'. 2.5 stars
90. I met the woman of my dreams at the base of Mount Vesuvius. She is the lava my life. 3.0 stars
91. The IRS left a message on my cell phone that I owed them more money. It was a taxed message. 3.0 stars
92. Everyone in the family knew that they had to join the spy agency. It was a clan destine operation. 3.1 stars
93. The dessert chef was very smart. He had graduated Pie Baker Kappa. 2.8 stars
94. My foul language has become routine. It is par for the cuss. 2.6 stars
95. When the prisoner was told by his lawyer that he had gotten a stay of execution, he smiled and said, 'Well, no noose is good noose.' 3.4 stars
96. The museum had a 3-D exhibit depicting a modern funeral parlor. It was a die-orama. 3.2 stars
97. The young bovine hated to see the Prodigal Son return since he knew that he was the fated calf. 2.4 stars
98. A carpenter must have been here. I saw dust. 3.0 stars
99. It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban. 3.8 stars
100. My sled dog never barks. He is a male mute. 2.9 stars
101. That Star Wars villain loves to talk. Everyone calls him Jabber the Hutt. 2.4 stars
102. The astronomer quit his job to become a barber. Eclipse hair now. 3.2 stars
103. I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted. 4.0 stars
104. When I bought some fruit trees the nursery owner gave me some insects to help with pollination. They were free bees. 3.6 stars
105. The beauty queen is unhappy about her upcoming foreign tour. She will miss America. 3.0 stars
106. The English gentleman could not play cribbage. You can't put a squire peg in a round hole. 2.2 stars
107. When the King asked the fool for a joke the fool just shrugged. He was the court gesture. 3.2 stars
108. When the knight logged onto his computer there was the message, 'You got mail.' It was a chain letter. 2.9 stars
109. That really nice fellow works in a clothing factory sewing zippers on jeans. That is good. He wouldn't hurt a fly. 3.1 stars
110. The fellow died before he was able to write his estranged daughter out of the will. Death before disown her. 2.6 stars
111. Eos is really sad. She is dawn in the dumps. 2.3 stars
112. When the prisoner died just before his parole they put him in a halfway hearse. 2.3 stars
113. What is the favorite game on Navy ships? Seaman Says. 2.6 stars
114. The editor really took a lot out of my manuscript. He cut a great dele. 2.3 stars
115. I once worked at a factory that made boat paddles. The starting pay was ten dollars an oar. 2.9 stars
116. The truant officer caught several kids at the ice rink. They were playing hockey. 1.6 stars
117. During my trip to Italy, I didn't do much. I just vegged out. When in Rome, do as the Romaines. 2.3 stars
118. I have always wanted to hand out carts at Wal-Mart. I cannot imagine a greeter job. 2.5 stars
119. I knew I had gone too far when I cheated the convicted gem smuggler. I had crossed the ruby con. 2.9 stars
120. I wanted to be a clarinettist but I couldn't reed music. 3.5 stars
121. My first job was peddling designer clothing. I was a Dior to Dior salesman. 3.1 stars
122. Smartly dressed poultry would be called chic hens. 3.4 stars
123. When Caesar entered the Senate all hail broke loose. 3.4 stars
124. The ghost practiced scaring people night after night. He was finally ready for his day boo. 2.9 stars
125. The state legislature could not decide whether to fund the water control project or the all weather stadium. It was a no win situation. Dammed if you do, domed if you don't. 3.2 stars
126. When the orchard owner went to trial he was judged by a jury of his pears. 2.8 stars
127. I thought I only had enough flour to bake one loaf, but after I added yeast I had eleven breads. 2.0 stars
128. Those simian figure skaters are very good. They make prime eights. 2.9 stars
129. The pod vegetables I bought for the gumbo I was making were so-so. They were medi-okra. 3.0 stars
130. Would a Mormon working for the Postal Service be a Letter Day Saint? 3.1 stars
131. He said, 'Hones', that is the truth', but I knew elide. 2.5 stars
132. The 'Star Wars' character was nicknamed 'Coffee'. His real name was Java the Cup. 2.5 stars
133. I was enamoured with the famous Paris art museum. It was Louvre at first site. 3.0 stars
134. The Hong Kong businessman left a huge estate when he died. It was the great will of China. 2.9 stars
135. Eugene O'Neil once wrote a play about a visit from an optometrist. He called it, 'The Eyes Man Cometh.' 2.9 stars
136. Eve showed up one morning wearing flowers instead of a fig leaf. She was the first woman to wear bloomers. 3.6 stars
137. When Socrates needed to buy food he went to the grocery stoa. 2.7 stars
138. The trapeze artist had to buy his own safety equipment. Every Friday he drew his net wages. 2.7 stars
139. When Jesus entered Jerusalem, people waved palm branches because they were being frondly. 2.2 stars
140. The general started bowling before his aide had entered his name on the score sheet. He had launched a pre-emptive strike. 2.9 stars
141. The smoker always listened to his favorite Rap artist on his smoke breaks. He was a Tupac a day man. 3.2 stars
142. The golfer guessed that his ball landed 20 feet off the fairway. Of course, that was just a rough estimate. 3.3 stars
143. When I treated my friends to lunch at the Mexican fast food restaurant I had to pay the taco bill. 2.1 stars
144. During the rainy season I spread out large books for my guests to wipe their feet on. These are the tomes that dry men's soles. 3.1 stars
145. My pet bird can predict the future. He is an omen pigeon. 2.8 stars
146. My girlfriend once gave me a Valentine made of soft leather. What a suede heart. 2.8 stars
147. The workers at that inn are very unfriendly. They create a hostel environment. 3.3 stars
148. How do pinnipeds communicate? With seal phones. 2.5 stars
149. The concession stand at the circus had very good coffee. It was the greatest joe on earth. 2.9 stars
150. One Sunday afternoon the Three Musketeers played a game of touché football. 2.7 stars
151. When the hockey player came home he gave his wife a puck on the cheek. 2.5 stars
152. The port was very beautiful. The sailors said it was haven on earth. 2.7 stars
153. I ordered whole wheat toast but it tasted funny. I think something was awry. 3.1 stars
154. If you write bad things about me I am libel to sue you. 3.0 stars
155. After the shepherd retired he felt ewes less. 3.3 stars
156. I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above. 3.7 stars
157. I knew that the spirit couldn't float around very long. What ghost up must come down. 3.0 stars
158. The Fraternity member was hungry so he eta pi. 3.1 stars
159. That convicted killer is calm today, but by tomorrow he will be high strung. 3.0 stars
160. That gas pump must be sick. It doesn't fill well. 3.1 stars
161. The other animals shunned the kangaroo. They treated him like a leaper. 2.5 stars
162. The manicurist went back to college to become a veterinarian. She was great at giving a pet a cure. 3.5 stars
163. The thief was arrested as he left the fortune teller's house. He was caught read handed. 2.9 stars
164. The former Dallas running back told me the most amazing story. It was Emmit's myth. 2.8 stars
165. If I drink a lot of Geritol am I consuming a fossil fuel? 2.7 stars
166. Some people marry for love, others for wealth. That's why it is called match or money. 2.2 stars
167. The statistician attended the dance stag. He didn't have any data. 2.0 stars
168. I felt sick after I ate the scallopini. I didn't veal well at all. 2.8 stars
169. When I found out the fellow took time of work to get a sex change operation I realized something was amiss. 2.6 stars
170. The dictator was really upset about the neckwear he had received as a gift. What a tie rant. 3.5 stars
171. I stole someone else's idea for a stage drama. Am I a playgiarist? 3.0 stars
172. The actor was never quite right after he retired. He had Post Dramatic Stress Disorder. 3.0 stars
173. I support both of my wives very well. I think that's big o' me. 3.4 stars
174. The Junior NCO had sore wrists. The doctor said it was corporal tunnel syndrome. 2.9 stars
175. I was fixated on the pain in my bad tooth. I was abscessed by it. 3.1 stars
176. The Jedi Knight traded in his light saber for a light dagger. He had gone over to the dirk side. 2.9 stars
177. The retired track official has started forgetting things. He has old timer's disease. 2.8 stars
178. I met some cult members who worshiped soup serving utensils. I said, 'Oh ye of ladle faith.' 3.1 stars
179. The obese editor started a weight redaction program. 2.4 stars
180. I get my large circumference from too much pi. 3.8 stars
181. That Italian chef is really annoying. He's making a pesto himself. 3.2 stars
182. I wanted cottage cheese with my meal so I ordered from the a la curd menu. 2.0 stars
183. When the poetess died she went to meter maker. 2.9 stars
184. I bought a computer from The Nero Company. It comes with a CD/Rome burner. 3.0 stars
185. My friend is very paranoid. He says people are either foe him or against him. 2.8 stars