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Listing puns for Toycoon

1. My pot belly pig was running and slipped on ice. Wound up injuring a hamstring. 2.6 stars
2. My wild cat ran away last week. I put up posters in our neighborhood so that others can help me find the missing lynx. 3.0 stars
3. I collect vintage time pieces. When I see one I like at online auction, I put it on my watch list. 3.7 stars
4. I have a difficult time discerning fine jewelry. I guess I've been out of the loupe too long. 2.6 stars
5. I used to work as a high school ceramics teacher, but I got too close to the kiln and I was fired. 3.5 stars
6. I keep walking methodically back and forth. I have to learn to pace myself. 3.1 stars
7. My wife has a cold. This morning she woke up and had her morning coughy. 3.6 stars
8. The race car driver had a checkered past. 3.3 stars
9. I am always sad when I go to the dentist, so I put on music and listen through my blue tooth headphones. 2.6 stars
10. I recycle. I just bought a used Harley. 2.2 stars
11. I have been blogging about my recent surgery and recovery from abdominal surgery. I call my blog 'The Chronicles of Hernia'. 2.9 stars
12. Having been diagnosed with a hernia has bothered me to my core. 1.5 stars
13. When the perfume factory magnate died it was discovered that he didn't leave his heirs a scent. 3.7 stars
14. I was nervous before hernia surgery. My stomach was in knots. 2.7 stars
15. I was just diagnosed as having a hernia. My wife and kids are setting up a truss fund. 3.4 stars
16. I want to open a photo processing store in a developing country. 3.3 stars
17. My insurance did not cover acupuncture, so I got stuck with the bill. 3.5 stars
18. After injuring my upper arm and wearing an ice pack, my wife accused me of giving her the cold shoulder. 3.0 stars
19. I went out with a coal miner's daughter. I guess you could say I was carbon dated. 3.2 stars
20. I tried to update my computer this morning but it wouldn't work. After several attempts, I had that syncing feeling. 3.1 stars
21. I was saddened to learn that my neighbor, who is a respiratory therapist, expired last week. 2.2 stars
22. I don't know why my eyeglass lenses were steamed up. I was mystified. 3.2 stars
23. When our fraternity voted whether or not to permit alcohol, there was not a dry aye in the house. 3.6 stars
24. The thing about vampires is they always have such biting humour. 2.9 stars
25. I searched for designer compression stockings. My wife says it is because I'm so vein. 2.7 stars
26. My elderly aunt loves telling jokes while she knits. She is a real knitwit. 3.7 stars
27. My dentist would simply not stop working on my teeth. He was abscessive compulsive. 3.3 stars
28. My friend brought me a Swedish cake. I later discovered it was Stollen. 3.2 stars
29. I don't use too much wine in making charosis for Passover, lest I get charosis of the liver. 2.4 stars
30. In attempting to cook Japanese food, I bento ver backwards learning proper technique. 2.3 stars
31. We're expecting fallout from the recent layoffs at the nuclear plant. 3.0 stars
32. I simply must find a new podiatrist. My podiatrist has developed such a callus attitude. 3.5 stars
33. When I suffered a groin injury I became quite testy. 3.3 stars
34. Since I've taken the job in The Everglades I've been swamped! 3.5 stars
35. I suspected our new house guest was a terrorist. He asked to sleep on a blow up mattress. 3.3 stars
36. As a drug counselor, I get clients by reeferal. 2.3 stars
37. What kind of flooring do alligator hunters use? Reptiles! 3.1 stars
38. After 5 years with the same chiropractor, I moved and had to change doctors. It was quite an adjustment. 3.2 stars
39. I went to a buffet dinner with my neighbor, who is a taxidermist. After such a big meal, I was stuffed. 3.5 stars
40. Obituaries of those hanged in the old west used to be posted in the noose paper. 3.6 stars
41. I fired the floor refinishers. They simply could not hold their lacquer. 3.0 stars
42. When I got the bill for the engine rebuild, I blew a gasket! 3.2 stars
43. The comedian stopped at the fabric store on his way to a comedy gig. He was looking for new material. 3.8 stars
44. When I learned what the gun lobby was doing, I went ballistic! 3.3 stars
45. The dermatologist and his wife enjoyed the backyard BBQ, while their children played a game of skin tag. 2.6 stars
46. The airlines have become so cash-strapped, they charged me for my emotional baggage. 3.7 stars
47. Two florists got married. It was an arranged marriage. 3.5 stars
48. In veterinary school we studied the brain of the hippopotamus. At that time most students stayed on the main campus, while I stayed on the hippocampus. 2.0 stars
49. When a neurologist relocates, does he change his mind? 3.3 stars
50. I was kicked out of math class for one too many infractions. 3.5 stars
51. I got kicked out of cartoon art school. I guess you could say I was in suspended animation. 3.5 stars
52. Instead of engaging in my own hobbies, my wife has me constantly helping her in her garden. I guess you could say I am pistil whipped. 3.5 stars
53. The priest was very stern during the service last Sunday. After church I was distressed. I then realized that we had experienced critical mass. 3.3 stars
54. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless. 4.0 stars
55. My student was late for class, claiming he was in the washroom. I think he was stalling. 3.9 stars
56. If I am afraid of losing my fat tissue. My psychiatrist told me I have an adipose complex. 2.8 stars
57. The chimney sweep wore a soot and tye. 3.3 stars
58. They served lunch at the auto repair shop, but I didn't eat it. It was full of carbs. 3.4 stars
59. At the petting zoo I saw a sheep scratching itself. Turns out it had fleece. 3.3 stars
60. When the presidential candidates campaign in rural areas, do they take a straw poll? When they campaign in forested areas do they give stump speeches? 3.1 stars
61. I tried to play the bagpipes, but the sound coming out was off kilter. 3.5 stars
62. I was fired from my job selling amplifiers. I didn't achieve the sufficient volume of sales. 3.4 stars
63. In high school I recall having a beautiful but difficult math teacher. She was easy on the eyes and hard on the pupils! 3.5 stars
64. My son wanted a scooter. When I told him they are too dangerous, he moped around the house. 3.1 stars
65. The hand surgeon went to the opthamologist to be examined for carpal tunnel vision. 2.7 stars
66. I had a tough time working as a garbage collector because of miasma. 2.7 stars
67. The haughty magician had illusions of grandeur. 3.0 stars
68. The anesthesiologist's computer has an ethernet connection. 2.6 stars
69. I was in a big hurry so I scrambled to make eggs for breakfast. 3.1 stars
70. I was studying in an apiary class. This resulted in me receiving a bee on my exam. 3.5 stars
71. I used to be a watchmaker. It was a great job and I made my own hours. 3.8 stars
72. I knew my wife was pregnant when she looked at me with fertilize. 2.9 stars